To Be Published in Paperback Form Shortly


SAILING WITH HUNTERS

Dedication

I dedicate this account to the wireless operators of the trawlers
Hildina H222 and Laforey GY85.

The Hildina was lost on the 1st December 1953 while fishing in bad weather 50 miles north by west of Sule Skerry.

The Laforey capsized in bad weather after grounding on the Yttero Reef on the Norwegian coast while heading home from the Arctic fishing grounds.

Both wireless operators were in my age group. The three of us had reached the same stage in our careers at the same time. They died at their posts. I can only tell you of them.

At the same time, I must mention the wireless operator of the James Barrie H15. He put out a distress call - and survived – when his ship was lost after hitting the Louther Rock at the southern end of Orkney in March 1969.

I was on duty at Wick Radio GKR that day with, among others, another radio officer, Jimmy (Wiley) Begg. And we took control of the distress traffic. Both Jimmy and I thought that the James Barrie’s wireless operator should have been commended for his bravery and cool efficiency.

Jimmy went on to become the cox of the Wick Lifeboat – so he knew a bit about heroism. I’m sad to say that he died a couple of years before I wrote this. So this is for him too.


***

Sailing with Hunters

by Charlie Gregory

'It's no' fish ye're buying: it's men's lives.'

(Sir Walter Scott - The Antiquary - 1816)

Hull - a couple of hours before dawn in the autumn of 1953. I find myself in-among the men milling round the store on St Andrew's fish-dock. I buy a seabag and stuff it with oilskins, seaboots and warm clothing. Then I get some bacon and half-a-dozen eggs to keep me in breakfasts during the trip north. And finally, with my seabag over my shoulder and donkey's breakfast under my arm, I step into the night and follow the men heading for the trawler, Carthusian.

***

I stand in the fug of cigarette smoke in the mess-room, watching the crew as they gather. They all know each other. They're not just shipmates. They are neighbours, in-laws and ex-school friends from the tiny rows of terraces that line the narrow streets between Hessle Road and the fish-dock.

They parted company less than forty-eight hours ago, after three-and-a-half gruelling weeks at sea. Now they are back, to go through it all again. The talk is of fish and money, family, the time in port, and old shipmates.

By now the mess-room is full, with twenty of us spilling into the galley and the alleyway beyond. To me - they are strangers. But over the next few days I will learn their names and jobs by rote. Eight of them are spare-hands. And that young bloke over there is the deckie-learner. The two wiry men stood by the door turn out to be firemen - stokers. The slim young guy with the limp is the cook; and the youngster with him is the galley-boy. The rest are the officers. That's the mate and the bosun, deep in conversation with the third-hand. And the two pale-faced chaps at the table are the chief and second engineers.

I'm the wireless-operator - that's what they call us on trawlers. I'm new to all this. At just turned nineteen I'm younger than the deckie-learner. But I've already been going to sea for over two years as a foreign-going radio-officer.

A sea-sage comes talking to me. 'This isn't a life,' he tells me. 'It's an existence.' A fireman chips in. 'I used to be down the mines,' he tells me. 'The mines are bad. But this is worse. At least the miner has a dry bed to sleep in. And when he's on a downer he can pop into the pub for a pint.'

'So why do it?' I ask.

'Where else can we get money like this?' they want to know.

'Trawler-men and their wives are the best dressed people in Hull,' says the sea-sage.

'One day a month, I live like a lord,' the fireman tells me. 'Taxis everywhere; and meals in the best restaurants. Who else can do that?'

'It's an addiction,' the sea-sage concludes. 'Once you're hooked you can't kick-it.'

***

The bulky, excitable man, in the blue polar-neck jersey and checked cap, turns out to be the skipper - Toby. Toby makes the rules around here. And he can, and will, enforce them with his fists.

Like most skippers, Toby is a living legend. One of the many stories they tell me about him is that, thirteen years ago - 1940 - when in command of an armed trawler, evacuating Allied troops from Norway, he charged at an unidentifiable warship as it emerged from a fog-bank - and challenged it. It turned out to be HMS Kelly which replied with the signal: 'You've got the heart of a lion.' Quite a compliment - coming from Captain Lord Louis Mountbatten. (Years later, when I learn that this incident really took place between the Northern Spray and HMS Warspite, I feel as if my favourite film-star has died).

Toby's big round here, but he isn't God. The trawler-owner is God.

The skipper lives in the trawler-owner's pocket. If he doesn't bring back fish he's out of a job. And the mate wants the skipper's berth so he's breathing down his neck all the time. Half of those spare-hands have a skipper's ticket. They're either skippers going up - or skippers coming down the ladder. Most of the younger ones have a mate's ticket. It's the same down the engine room. Seconds want to be chiefs. Firemen want to be seconds. Everyone is looking over his shoulder.

The cook's up for inspection every meal-time. And the skipper pays my wage out of his own pocket. So I must to deliver too. It's not easy for the spare-hands either. If they want to hold their job they've got to prove their worth. And, in a close-knit community like this, word gets around.

All this plays into the owner's hands. He can sit back and make demands. And his demand is - 'profit!'

***

I find the radio-room behind a door at the starboard end of the wheelhouse. It's tiny, and crammed with more equipment than I've ever seen gathered in one place before. I stand, jammed between the chair and the bulkhead, and weigh it up. We're under way now and I must fathom how to send a TR - traffic-report - to Humber Radio.

When I sit down I've got an Electra receiver and Gannet receiver, one on a shelf above the other - stuck in my face. The Oceanspan transmitter fills the after bulkhead to the left of the receivers. A Transarctic transmitter, or its predecessor, stands to the right of them. The Lodestone direction finder is angled across the inboard corner. OK so far. I can cope with this lot.

But my right elbow is jammed up against an RT, radio-telephone, transmitter. This is not good. RT is an alien world. I've never come across radio-telephony before. We went through the motions in radio-college, of course. But that was a game - with people I knew. I've never even seen an ordinary telephone since then. This is 1953 for God's sake. I'm not rich enough to know anyone who sports a telephone. I thought they were like lifebelts, hung inside those red kiosk-things you see on the corner of city streets - for use in emergencies. I'm full of hang-ups about sitting here shouting at myself.

There's a second Gannet receiver, jammed between the RT transmitter and the for'ard bulkhead. I work out that this receiver, and that wheel above my head, are the Fishsnatcher. The Fishsnatcher is a rotating loop direction finder tuned to the RT band. It's used to home-in on other trawlers that might be on fish. In the coming months I will spend many happy hours hanging from this, and similar wheels, as I perform a merry-legged dance on the leaping decks. I straighten up quickly and bang my head on something behind. It's an echo sounder, screwed to the for'ard bulkhead. It's beside a Heath-Robinson battery charger. I've seen another 'sounder' in the wheelhouse. So we carry two.

I work out that the power supply is 110 volts DC from the engine room generator. And I've seen a battery box stuck on top of the wheelhouse, out of harm's way - just. I tune a receiver to 500 KHz and switch on the Oceanspan; to be greeted by the whine of an unhealthy alternator, tucked in some inaccessible corner.

'Shit! No aerial-amps. This is a good start.'

I clamber up to the monkey-island to look at the insulator and find that the antenna has been dropped at the mainmast. It was dark when I boarded and I was a bit bemused by the new routine, so I didn't notice.

'They lower the aerial when they put the bunkers aboard,' the third-hand tells me as we hoist it back into situ. This is novel - the Carthusian's a coal-burner.

I grunt a line of from a sea-song I know, 'and the whole bloody issue was driven by steam.'

***


I wander into the wheelhouse where the third-hand is talking to a spare-hand who lounges over the massive wooden wheel which stands well back, near the after-bulkhead. I ask them where we're bound for. My TR, 'bound north,' satisfied Humber. But it's too vague for me. I like to know where my life is going.

'Dunno,' the third-hand shrugs. 'Depends on the skipper,' he tells me. He explains the system. After we sail, the skipper disappears below to hype himself up for the trip. One of the officers takes the watch. But he doesn't - daren't - make any decisions. The skipper will appear for the evening meal. That's when we find out where we're going.

It's mainly grey skies out this way; and we're heading away from the sun; so navigation is by dead-reckoning, backed by radar and radio direction finding. And we steer by the magnetic compass that pivots in the deck-head, for'ard of the wheel. If the third-hand sets a 'true-course,' due-north as we leave the Humber, it leaves all the options open for the Icelandic fishing grounds or a run up the Norwegian coast to the North Cape and beyond.

***

I copy the weather forecast from Cullercoates Radio. The third-hand looks unimpressed. 'We listen to the BBC shipping forecast,' he tells me, 'switch it through to the wheelhouse speaker.' He gives me a rough idea of what I should be doing; like monitoring the RT bands and eavesdropping on conversations between trawler skippers and operators. I do this. But all I can hear are Geordies and Jocks, telling the world that they've got no fish. It's all hit-and-miss, because I don't know what I'm looking for.

I tune to 2226 Khz and wait for a conversation between two wireless-operators to finish. Then I call the loudest and clearest. When he responds, I ask him what I should be doing. And he gives me a run-down.

He's bound home, and asks me for the latest 'trips.' I shout to the third-hand, and he puts me right. 'Trips' are lists, published in the local papers, of ships that have landed fish on the morning market. 'Trips' give a breakdown of the catch each ship has landed, the money they made, the fishing ground they have come from, and how many days they spent at sea. It's somewhere between a football league table and the stock-market - but more important than either.

I'm suddenly in demand. I've got information that people want. Skippers running for home are desperate for knowledge. They need to know how many ships are heading for a specific market - and what the market is doing. They must make the decision, 'do I go on "wet-steam" and drive the ship to the limit to land on Thursday, or hang back and wait for Friday?' And it's his wireless-operator's job to feed him with facts.

More ships call me, to get verification or fill in gaps. Then they rattle them out to the ships further up-north on their company's WT - wireless-telegraphy - scheds in Morse code. Other ships relay them further on and, by lunch time today, these 'trips' are common knowledge from Cape Farewell in Greenland to Cape Kanin in Russia. This happens every day that there is a fish-market.

In return, wireless-operators pass me rumours from the various parts of the Arctic Circle, regarding weather conditions and fishing prospects. But they never - never give a hint about their own catch or position - or the market they're running for. Fishermen are professional gamblers. I'm now a tiny-player in the world's biggest and most dangerous poker game.

***

Among the ships that contact me is the Laforey, out of Grimsby. I get talking to the wireless-operator and it turns out that he's from Manchester - like me. His home is in a place called Gatley, that's Cheshire way. I'm from Abbey Hey, between Gorton and Openshaw, where the factory drop-hammers bang away all the day and night.

From now on, whenever we make contact, we go by the names of Abbey and Gatley. And we resolve to have a drink together, the next time we hit 'the Hub-of-the-Universe' at the same time.

***

There are no showers or washing facilities aboard. The only source of clean water is a tap in the galley, fed by an old fashioned hand-pump. At the end of day-one I get a bucket and half fill it with cold water. Then I treat myself to a strip-wash and shave before turning in.

While I'm scrubbing down, a couple of spare-hands come to the doorway of the mess-room and stand, drinking from steaming mugs - passing the time of day with me. The next day, I go through the same routine at the same time. This time, there are several men in the mess room. When I begin my performance, they come and stand in a group - watching. The following night there are two groups. One at the mess-room door, and another at the alleyway door.

The sea-sage scratches his head and fumbles to find a reason for my strange behaviour. He finally solves the problem and tells the others. 'Big-boat training,' he announces. I look at the two seas of curious faces and realise I'm the only one doing this. The others have darker skins and longer facial hair with every passing day.

The next morning, the bosun joins me as I tuck in to breakfast. 'Toby's looking for you,' he growls. 'You're in the shit.'

It's the story of my life. I continue to munch my bacon-butty. 'Live for the moment,' I tell myself...

'I hear you've been wasting water!' Toby roars as I enter the wheelhouse. His fists are clenched.

'It was only for a wash,' I protest.

'Well don't wash! Not on my ship!' he explodes. 'Water's for drinking. Not for splashing over mucky bastards from the Midlands.'

To Toby, everywhere outside Yorkshire is 'the Midlands' - populated by morons who know nothing about the sea.

But he's right about the water. The Carthusian is only 462 tonnes gross - 178 feet long and 27 wide. And, beside the fish, she has to carry enough coal to cater for four weeks at sea. There's not much room for water for 20 men for 28 days.

***

My bedroom turns out to be a duct in the radio-room bulkhead, little over two feet wide and six feet long, that runs above the ladder-well to the Skipper's cabin. The opening is about five-feet-six-inches above the deck. I feed my donkey's-breakfast into the void. Now I must follow. This entails standing on the chair and clinging to the metal bracket which is screwed to the deck-head. Then, I wedge my left foot between the RT transmitter and Gannet receiver and feed my right leg into the duct. I've now reached the point of no-return. Somehow, I've got to un-jam my left foot and get my spare leg alongside the one that's already in bed. And all the time, the ship is bouncing about and standing on its beam-ends.

Once inside, I wriggle down until my head joins my body inside the duct. But the fun has only begun. My donkey's breakfast is now in a hard lump beyond my feet. And I'm in a straight-jacket, so I can't reach down for it. And I can't sit up because I've only got six-inches headroom. And there's no light in here. And I wish I was somewhere else.

In the morning, like a grub emerging from its chrysalis, I go through the same ritual - backwards - with a full bladder. And so, for the next 24 nights, I am doomed to lie inside a coffin which is strapped to the back of a bucking bronco. And on 24 mornings, I will go through the process of reliving the pangs of birth.

The sea-sage sees my scattered clothes when he pops his head round the door to give me a shout. 'Always sleep fully-dressed,' he tells me later, 'in case you have to run for the lifeboat during the night.' You don't pick-up tips like that in Manchester.

***

The second day out of Hull, Toby strides into the wheelhouse rubbing his hands together. 'Show sparks the liver-house,' he tells the third-hand. I'm prepared for this. The boys I met in the Marconi office told me about the livers. That's why I bought the seaboots and deck-clothing.

Later, we stand on a wooden grating among a stack of fish-baskets, in what looks like a paint-locker situated on the main-deck in the very stern of the vessel. There are three large boilers before us, with taps at various levels. 'When they gut the fish, the boys throw the livers into the baskets,' the third-hand tells me. 'When they finish gutting, you drag the baskets down aft and dump the livers in a boiler.' He holds up a dragging-hook. 'When the livers reach this level,' he taps a boiler, 'you boil, then simmer, then let them stand to cool and settle.' He tells me the exact time for each operation, and shows me the taps that supply the steam from the engine room. 'When the flux settles to the bottom of the boiler, tap the oil off into the storage-tank - one level at a time. Start with the top tap and work your way down - to keep the oil clear.' He delves among the baskets and comes up with a large scoop. 'When all the oil's tapped off, lean into the boiler and squeeze the flux with this,' he shows me the scoop, 'you'll get loads more oil out of it. Get every last drop, because we get a bonus for it. But don't let any flux get into the oil. It has to be pure.' He picks a piece of string out of a basket and loops it round a deck-head pipe. 'After every boiling, tie a knot in the string,' he tells me. 'That's how the boys keep a check on their bonus.' He points at the boilers again. 'They're all in use at once,' he tells me. 'As you're filling one, the second is boiling and settling, and you're tapping off the third, then getting it ready for more livers. When all the oil's out of the flux, empty it into that tank there. The flux is sold to the fish-meal factory. Nothing's wasted.'

Back in the wheelhouse, Toby rubs his hands together again. 'Time you learnt to steer,' he tells me. 'I use you in the wheelhouse when we're towing. While we're on passage, you'd better get your hand-in. So take a turn on the wheel for two hours every afternoon.'

So, every day, on our way to and from the fishing grounds, I stand my trick on the wheel, and discover the unique magic of the wheelhouse of a trawler. The ship is moving relatively fast, and I'm low-down, near the water. I have a sensation of skimming over the sea, rising and dipping over the waves. Forever speeding along - until I feel that I'm flying like a seabird.

***

Toby makes a decision. 'It's the White Sea,' he announces at the evening meal - with his mouth stuffed full of fresh baked bread.

The White Sea is a general term, covering the Barents Sea from the North Cape to Cape Kanin. Another name for the Cape Kanin Grounds is The Bottleneck - because you are now going into the White Sea proper.

At the North Cape you are about six days from home. At Cape Kanin you may be eight. The banks off Murmansk are about midway between the two. For Bear Island, make for the North Cape then keep going north until this, the harshest weather you've ever seen, gets even worse.
To get to any of these spots, we spend a day and a half steaming through the Norwegian Fjords. This takes us out of the wild Norwegian Sea and saves a bit of time.

***

On our second-day out from Hull, on Toby's instructions, I tell the crew 'you've got two days to hand in all the personal messages you want to send between now and the end of fishing.' There are reasons for this. I will be too busy to send 'non-urgent stuff' when we are on the grounds. And radio communications will be dicey, before and after fishing, due to screening in the Fjords.

First one up to the wheelhouse is a fireman. He hands me a form with a message to Interflora scribbled on it. As the man leaves the bridge, Toby snatches the message from my hand and reads it to the mate and two spare-hands. 'I can still taste your kisses,' he scoffs, curling his lip and shoving the paper back at me. 'Huh - she gave him the crabs,' he adds scornfully. 'The bugger was up here for the blue-ointment, first thing this morning.'

This is when I find that trawlers are high-traffic ships. Fishermen spend their lives at sea. They have to conduct their affairs by radio. It's a two-way thing, husbands and wives keeping each other informed, and keeping the marriage going, by telegrams, rattled-out in Morse code and channelled through Wick Radio.

The romantic stuff comes thick and fast. Many messages are almost identical because if someone thinks-up a catchy phrase, the others copy it. A couple of the favourites, for delivery while we are fishing are... 'If snowflakes were kisses I'd send you a blizzard...' and... 'If fishes were kisses I'd send you a shoal.' And maybe for a marriage reception... 'Oilskins should be worn when entering port.'

Wick Radio has an arrangement with Hull Post Office. Between them, they will hold on to our messages and deliver them on the day requested in the delivery instructions. So, after I collect the traffic from the lads, I clear the bunch to Wick on the 1.6 Mcs band. But that's not the end of it. Fishermen are born gamblers. They gamble for a living and they gamble for pleasure. Many have accounts with bookies in Hull. While I'm drumming up the messages, the crew ask me to get tomorrows runners for them. They tell me that Rugby Radio broadcasts the horses every night, 'after the big-boat news.' Everyone knows this job except me. The betting messages start to outnumber the rest. The bets are on horses, dogs or football. And they keep coming until we get to the fjords. These messages are always urgent. There's money at stake. With an 'accumulator' you are talking big-bucks.

Wick Radio isn't always easy to contact. After his traffic list it seems like every trawler in the northern hemisphere is trying to get hold of him. That's fine on 1.6 Mc/s while you're on passage, because you're booming-in to each other. But, as you get further away, you're jammed out by the louder boys so you have to use either 8 Mc/s or 12 Mc/s.

Wick only has one radio-officer on each band. This guy has to search the calling band and give us all a turn-number. We call it his QRY list. When the list is complete he starts working the ships. When you are turn ten, you're in for a long wait. By the time your turn comes round the band might have gone wobbly and Wick can't read you. If you don't get picked for a turn after the list you've got problems because, once he starts working down the list, the Wick radio-officer is going to be too busy to search the band again. Wick's HF transmitter is only 300 watts. So you have as much trouble hearing him as he does hearing you. This makes collecting messages as much fun as clearing them.

To be fair, every evening, Wick does a blind-broadcast of all his uncleared traffic. But the reception doesn't get any better. And, as the Morse is hand-sent, some days are better than others. And all the time, the Skipper is hounding me to search the intership bands for fishing information.

These difficulties and pressures lead me to learn new tricks. If I don't get a turn on HF, I wait for Wick to give a ship a receipt for a message, then I give a quick call on my working-frequency - hoping it is the same as the other ships - so that I can follow-on. This sometimes works. Then, on the 1.6 Mcs, where all the ships are on the same frequency, I may try a bit of jamming. Naughty - but I've got to clear this traffic.

***

As we run north I pipe music from the BBC into the wheelhouse. The boys listen and chat among themselves. Trawler-men spend between three and four weeks at sea and two days in port - trip after trip. That makes for a lot of sex talk. When I'm on the wheel I join in. I'm a mouthy teenager. I can sit in a third-mate's cabin and shoot a line with the best of them. But this is different. This is big-boy stuff, rum-bum-and-baccy for real. The lurid tales of multiple orgies fill in a lot of blank spots for me. Some of the lads tell of their romps with male prostitutes. This is new ground. These guys are not gay - just red roaring randy. After one deep conversation the sea-sage gives me another useful wrinkle. 'If you're ever joining a daisy-chain,' he says wisely, 'always volunteer to go first. The virgin always hangs back until last. So when the chain joins up - bingo!'

I get a sudden flashback. I'm back in the galley; a slender youth with a tropical tan having a strip-down-wash. And the men, watching from the doorway, grow in number each night...

***

We are running up the Norwegian coast now; in a stern unforgiving world where the wild Norwegian Sea continually batters the cast-iron cliffs. At 66.30N we cross the Arctic Circle. Winter's coming. We're heading towards the ice and continuous night. I contact Bodo Radio with a message for the trawler agent in Lodingen. We need a few bits and pieces and a pilot through the fjords.

We still get our weather forecasts from the local broadcast station. But these days they are in Norwegian. I'm used to the British forecasters. They always err towards caution. It never gets quite as bad as they say it will be. Norwegians use the opposite philosophy. They play the weather down. OK, so you can wear your wig on deck when they forecast 'vinds'. But a 'kuling' feels like a storm. And a 'sterk-storm' matures into a screaming hooligan.

Four-and-a-half days out of Hull, and we've made our landfall. Those sheer lumps of granite, lining up to port, are the Lofoten Islands. Toby knows this area well. He's been coming 'out this way' all his working life. He fought the Germans here. 'That's Vaeroy,' he tells me, pointing at one of the inhospitable masses, 'and over there, to the north, is Lofoten Point. And there, in-between them - is Mosken.' I look at the small island with its three jagged peaks thrusting-up through a swirling mountain mist - and can see from this distance, the confusion of frenzied water that surrounds it. The boys have told me about this. Those are the 'Mystic Mountains,' and the swirling eddies and boiling over-falls are a part of the notorious 'Lofoten Maelstrom.' This mad water, that I study through the glasses, has appeared in the works of Edgar Allen Poe and Jules Verne. It's the stuff of fiction.

***

Now, with two pilots aboard, we sail through water as smooth and clear as a sheet of glass. Sheer barren mountains, snow-capped and laced with frozen waterfalls, tower above us. Behind their dark silhouettes, around midday, the sun, below the horizon, is the white-hot furnace of Midas - transforming leaden clouds into bars of brilliant gold among billowing cushions of glowing red and purple. And then, as dawn merges with dusk, they melt into the pure-turquoise sky.

In the twilight we see green valleys and forests with pastel-painted hamlets in-among the trees. We're in the land of the troll and Greig's Peer Gynt. In spring, the mountain-air will be as crisp and intoxicating as the finest wine. Then, in summer, the days will turn shirt-sleeve balmy and never-ending. But now, apart from the noon glow, it seems forever dark and very cold.

The rocks hereabouts are full of minerals. MF and HF radio-communications cease. And, for me, VHF hasn't been invented. The pilot shows us places where the magnetic compass goes round in circles. Off Tromso, the boys point to a rusting hulk that lies, part submerged, like a dead whale. 'That's the Tirpitz,' they tell me. She was damaged by a midget submarine attack while she was at anchor in Kaa Fjord. But she was repaired, and sailed to Tromso in April '44. The following November, she was attacked by 32 Lancaster bombers. They put a 100 foot gash in her. She capsized - taking 971 men to their deaths.

Toby has become an unstable time-bomb. He's morose with the pilots - either ignoring or snapping at them. But he's excitable and blustery with everyone else. It comes to a head this meal-time. Toby and I are sat at the large table that takes up most of the officers' communal cabin. He's tucking into stew and dumplings with a spoon. I'm polishing off my duff and custard.

Sat in the middle of the table, is a plate of the lightest and most delicious jam-tarts I've ever come across. This cook is excellent. Down the ladder comes one of the pilots. He ladles stew into his plate from the pot by the door, then comes and sits at the table and launches into a friendly conversation. Toby ignores him, but I respond.

As the pilot and I talk, Toby's spoon is hitting his plate ever harder and faster. I can feel the explosion building. It's like watching a boiler that's about to burst - steam hissing from every orifice. Now the pilot reaches for a jam-tart. But Toby leaps up, snatches the plate away, and runs with it to the bottom of the ladder - roaring for the cook. 'Take these cakes away,' he yells, as the man clatters down the ladder, 'before the Norwegian's eat them all!'

Toby continues to lambaste the flinching pastry-maker as he scurries back up the ladder. 'Don't ever make this trash again. They'll gobble it up. They're like bloody wolves.'

Now Toby turns on me. 'And you,' he roars, 'stop talking to him! And don't ever let me catch you speaking to these people again. They're all Quislings! Every one of them. Quislings! Do you hear me? Quislings!'

I'm taken aback by the outburst. But the pilot keeps his cool. Maybe he knows that Toby lives in a black and white world. 'Cod are good. Norwegians are bad.'

***

Toby decides to shoot the trawl off North Cape. Like all Skippers he has a notebook full of positions; the dates he trawled there; the direction he towed-in, the weather conditions, and what the result was. We're on fishing hours now - eighteen hours on and six hours off. Toby wants me on duty from 0800 to 0200 the next day. It will be like this for between ten and fourteen days - depending on the fishing.

The Carthusian, like every other trawler I see, is a side-winder. She both shoots and hauls over the side. It's dangerous work. And, as the weather worsens, so the danger grows. The heart of it all is the massive winch with three-quarters of a mile of cable on the drum. From here the warps go through the gallows, which are structures that take the weight of the trawl. Then the warps go down into the water where they are attached to the two otter-boards, or doors. The doors are attached to the trawl and are towed in front of it. The water forces them apart, so they open the mouth of the net. Next comes the net itself, travelling along the sea bed with its open mouth and big belly - leading into the closed cod-end.

For our first haul, Toby's alone in the wheelhouse and I'm in the radio-room. Suddenly there's a blood curdling scream. 'Yaaahhh!' I race through the door and find him writhing about on his back, like an upturned sheep, holding his tummy and screaming in pain - eyes rolling in his head. I can't do anything with him. Try as I might. I can't get him up. And he's too far gone to tell me what's wrong. I need help.

I go winging down to the galley, where the chief is talking to the cook. 'Come quick,' I cry. 'It's the skipper. He's taken ill.'

They look at me and shake their heads. 'Toby's OK,' says the chief.

'He'll be all-right when Dr Cod comes aboard,' adds the cook.

They are right. We tow several times, in various positions, before we find fish. And all the time, Toby is moaning and crawling round the wheelhouse on all fours, or rolling on his back howling with pain. Then, as the net comes aboard, he's clawing his way up the for'ard bulkhead until his eyes peep over the bottom of the window. But, when only a bucketful of fish slither to the deck, he lets out a howl of anguish, drops back on all fours, and crawls towards the ladder to his cabin. But he can't make it. He's on his back again - wailing and thrashing. The longer it takes to find fish, the worse he gets. Now he's screaming for paper. I find a drawer full of old newspapers - obviously stored for this very moment. He snatches one from my hand, drops his pants and squats over it - filling the wheelhouse with a noise like a mistuned bagpipe. Then he leaps to his feet and, pulling up his trousers, screws-up the paper, dashes across the wheelhouse, snatches open the door, and throws it at the evasive shoals. Now he's down on the deck again -baying like a hound. A few hauls later he grabs the wheel to pull himself up. But it spins round and he goes staggering backwards across the wheelhouse and lands on his backside.

Now he's scurrying on all-fours to claw his way up the bulkhead and peep at the deck again.
This time a mountain of fish come thundering from the cod-end. Toby's cured. He's skipping up and down like birthday-boy. 'Sparks! Sparks!' he yells in delight, 'come and look at this!'

And so it is, all the time we're fishing. With a bad haul, Toby collapses and crawls round the wheelhouse, screaming for newspaper. With a good haul he's walking two-feet above the deck - leaping up and down - yelling for a buoy to be put down. At times like this, when he's feeling good, he orders me put him in touch with the other skippers. Now he's on the mike, giving a recital over the airwaves, telling the world what a terrible time he's having.

***

It's the end of my first eighteen-hour trick. It's nearly three-o-clock in the morning. I climb up the bulkhead and into the spout that I call my bed - like Wincey Spider when the raindrops relent. I wake to the blast of a radio beaco, haunting the room like a wailing banshee. Toby is swinging the knob of the Lodestone direction finder. 'Come on Sparks,' he roars. 'You'll get fuckin' bedsores.'

Limbs aching after the hours of dragging baskets of livers along the tilting decks, I drag myself out of my coffin and gaze at the clock in disbelief. It's coming up to five-o-clock, ship's time. I've had less than three hours in bed - and Toby wants bearings. This is how I learn that my starting and finishing times are flexible - over and above my eighteen hours.

***

As the days pass, I start to sympathise with Toby and his strange behaviour. He's under terrible pressure from the owner to catch fish. With every haul, his job is on the line. But even for the likes of me, a towny from 'the Midlands,' there's a big mood-swing between an empty-bag and a full-net.

With a good haul, the massive net surfaces alongside the ship - swollen with silver fish. There can be no other sight like this in the world. You can hear the awe in the voices of the men. The gulls wheel and scream in excitement. The magic never fades. This is what we came for. Now we go astern to push the fish out of the belly into the cod-end. Then the cod-end is heaved aboard. The cod-line is released and the fish thunders onto the deck. The cod-line is re-tied and the cod-end put back over the side and filled again and again until the belly is empty.

Between shooting and hauling we tow the trawl along the bottom for a couple of hours or more. The men are gathered in the pounds, gutting fish from the last haul - flinging the lights at the screaming birds and the livers into baskets; or they are down in the fish-rooms, cracking ice with pick-axes and dragging baskets of it to the shelves where the catch is stored in its various grades. We put a marker-buoy down and tow around it until the shoal moves away.

But it's not often like that. Sometimes it's bad, and the trawl floats to the surface and lies on the cold-black water, deflated and impotent. The dejected deckhands go mechanically through the motions with a few stragglers flapping in the cod-end. The depression is tangible as they shoot again - with the cheerless deck-lights casting mocking-shadows in the endless Arctic night. When their chores are done the men trudge wearily aft to the galley for cocoa or a bite to eat. Like the sea-sage told me, all we do here is work and exist. Bad hauls prolong the agony. We want to go home. But we've got to pay our way. We must stay out here for as long as it takes. In fact, most hauls are somewhere between the good and the bad.

Because of the pressure, some skippers are tempted to keep-on fishing as the weather worsens. I've heard of crewmen being washed overboard while they were gutting. I even hear tales of men being washed overboard in bad weather - and then being dumped back on the ship as she dips beneath them. But Toby's a careful sailor. He never puts his men in danger.

***

Through the good and the bad I drag baskets of livers along the deck. The scuppers have been covered to stop the fish from slithering back into the sea. Which means there's a lot of water trapped on deck, swilling to and fro with the motion of the ship. So I'm always in thigh-boots and often in oilskins.

Until I get the knack, its not easy to lift a full basket of livers high enough to tip it into the boiler - standing, as I am, on a slippery wooden grating, with the ship slanting up rollers and dipping down troughs. So the first load lands on the deck and the livers scatter and slither away - as if scurrying for the fish-room and the bellies they were torn from. But I am soon in the swing of it - making cod-liver-oil. I've got one boiler steaming and another settling - while I'm filling the third.

The liver-bonus is serious. On their way back from the pounds the men often come to the boiler-room door and count the knots on the string that hangs from the pipe. So I'm looking over my shoulder too. But I'm on top of it. Whenever there's a change of watch I do the boilings but miss out the knots. So I'm doing more boilings than they think. This pays-off at the end of the trip. The boys get a bigger bonus than they were expecting - and I get the credit. I may be a no-good wireless-operator - but I can boil livers. You don't learn much about the sea in Manchester. But you do get to be street-wise.

***

Toby has an insatiable appetite for information. I have to swamp him in it. Livers done, I hurry back to the radio-room to monitor the conversations that wail from my speaker. They are mostly on simplex. First of all, there's a monologue in one direction; followed by an almost identical monologue in the other direction. It's all negative stuff, complaining about the weather and the fishing - punctuated by exclamations like 'uwhhh!' and 'come back you bitch!' as the men brace themselves against the motion of the ship. I look for clues that will identify ships and skippers and what they are catching. I scribble it all down on the back of old echo sounder paper - along with the time and a snap-bearing.

Often, after a good haul, when I get back to the wheelhouse, I find Toby waiting - tense as the trawl-warp. 'About bloody time,' he snaps. Then he gives me the ship's heading and tells me to take over the watch while he skips down below to snatch forty winks. I go to the radio-room and turn up the gain. For the next hour, I'm the helmsman, lookout and wireless-operator.

And so the fishing goes on. One haul is a goldmine. The next is the poorhouse. Then we are underway and chasing one of the voices I've 'snapped' - in-case they're on fish. Now we're fishing alongside a German. But, when Toby comes back from his kip, the German has gone. 'Why didn't you tell me?' he screams. 'Why didn't you tell me he was moving? He knows where there's fish.' Toby locates the German on the radar and we race after him. He leads us to a bank off Murmansk - the Russian naval base. We shoot the trawl and tow alongside him. This time we catch nothing but a few tiddlers. Toby's back on all-fours - crawling round the wheelhouse.

Next, he spots a Russian trawler on the move. We follow him. But he does worse than the German did. 'They'll put this Russian in the bloody Siberian Salt Mines when he gets home,' Toby complains to the world over the radio.

Then a Russian warship comes on the scene - towing a target. He releases it to the south of us. Then he goes to the north of us and starts firing at it - over our heads. This is Cold War stuff. It's not comfortable. So Toby's up with the trawl and we're on the move again. 'You tell 'em, when you get back to the Midlands,' he tells me. 'Tell 'em what we have to go through to get their fish.'

We gravitate into an international fleet, fishing somewhere off the Russian coast. 'Sparks! Take a look at this!' Toby shouts as we arrive on the scene. It's black-dark outside. But it isn't the darkness that Toby's showing me. It's the lights - the navigation lights. They start close by and stretch as far as the eye can see, from horizon to horizon, in every direction. It's as if we are in the middle of some great city.

But, more awesome still, is the realisation that those lights are ships. And each one is towing a cumbersome trawl. And they're all heading in different directions. 'Tell 'em about this too - when you get back to the Midlands,' Toby orders.

I do tell them, back in the Manchester pubs, but they don't know what I'm saying.

***

In this melee of ships we sometimes find ourselves towing a parallel course to a Russian trawler. They have women working on deck alongside the men. These are not your doe-eyed Muscovites. These are tough, red-flannel-knicker types from the Tundra; countless layers of clothing imposing a purdah. Sometimes, in the gloaming, we find ourselves making our way aft from the pounds at the same time as they are. We give them a wave. They cast furtive glances over their shoulders. Then, when they are out of sight of the Communist commissar on the bridge, they give a hasty wave back.

***

In the midst of this terrifying crowd of ships, Toby returns to the wheelhouse after leaving me alone for a while. Suddenly there's a roar. Then a speaker-full of foul language bursts from the main receiver. I decipher a message, hidden amongst the expletives and the F's and the B's. 'Somebody has towed my buoy under,' the message reads. 'I know who he is. And I'm going to break his back when I get him on Hull fish-dock.

'Toby points to the nearest trawler. 'That's him, there,' he says, rubbing his hands together. 'He's a real mean bastard. If he's talking about you - you'd be safer jumping overboard right now.' I feel the channels coming on and head for the lavatory.

***

Our only toilet shares the stern of the ship with my liver-house. The liver-house is on the starboard side; the toilet is on the port side. The toilet door is permanently jammed open by the spare anchor which lies secured to a grating. When I sit on the toilet I am looking along the length of the main-deck. Passing crew-men give me a cheery wave as they wander to and from the fo'c'sle or the pounds.

Today, before squatting, I peer into the well and wish for deliverance from evil. I find myself looking down a pipe that ends a few feet above the water - cunningly placed to focus the ship's slip-stream onto the bull's-eye of my backside. This might explain some of the peculiar sensations that I've been getting over the past couple of weeks. But it's bad news in the Barents Sea, because the local zephyrs either come straight off the ice - or the Russian refrigerator.

As I sit in frozen penance it strikes me that the breeze is the least of my problems. If the ship dips her stern into the water, I will receive a deep-frozen colonic-irrigation. On the other hand, if she takes a big wave, I'll be martyred like a witch on a ducking-stool.

In bad weather, the toilet becomes a no-go zone. This is where the pelvic exercises pay off. The alternative is to go down to the stokehold, hover over a shovel, and feed the results to the furnace. The Sea-sage offers advice on this one too. 'Squat with your shoulders in line with the motion of the ship,' he tells me. 'Then you won't fall back in it.'

***

All this fun must come to an end. We've got to go home. After the boys haul-in the trawl and stow it away, they batten-down and hose and scrub. My job is to hose-down and bull-up the liver-room. I may be the wireless-operator, but I've got the smelliest job in the ship. My clothes reek of cod-liver oil.

So it's up and away. As we race down the fjords, I look over my shoulder before talking to the pilots - like a Soviet decky. Then it's out into the Norwegian Sea to smash through a Sou'wester, where the waves have come out of the Atlantic with a potential build-up of five-thousand miles.

The betting messages are flowing again. Then the romantic ones. 'It's hard for both of us,' a spare-hand confides to his wife. 'The longer I'm away the harder it gets,' a fireman reveals.

We're heading into the home-straight - racing for a market. Wick Radio hauls into RT-range. We put a link-call through to the owner and get permission to go on 'wet-steam.' I never get to know what wet-steam really is. The boys tell me it's dangerous. But they don't say for who. Is it bad for the engineers? I wonder. Or just the engine? I don't really care - so long as it's not bad for me. Now we're allowed a wash and shave. We don clean clothes for the run ashore. Then we gather in the mess-room, pink-faced and ten-years younger.

***

We dock in the late evening; all champing-at-the-bit. We want to get off the ship. We want some freedom. We want comfortable beds. We want to see our families. We want a drink with our mates. Some of the boys are so desperate that they scramble ashore while we are going through the locks. Time is precious. We've got 48 hours - four tides - to come back to the office and collect our catch-money; do everything that we have to do, and everything we want to do. And, on top of that, I've been told to report to the Marconi Office. Marconi Marine are the people who hire-me-out. So I can't argue. During these few precious hours, we've got to get ourselves back here to the dock - queue at the store for our eggs and bacon and whatever gear we need. Then get aboard and get the ship racing up to the Arctic again.

If this isn't exploitation - tell me what is?

***

After a couple of hours kip in the Flying Angel Mission, I meet up with some of the crew as we collect our pay. Then we wander along to the corner of West Dock Avenue and Hessle Road for a drink and a chat in Rayner's Pub before heading home.

In Rayner's, the boys send drinks across to a young bloke who is standing at the end of the bar. 'He's the only survivor off the Norman,' they tell me. The Norman was lost about a year ago - October '52 - off Cape Farewell in Greenland. She went on the rocks and the crew couldn't get the lifeboats away. The ship gave a lurch and they thought she was going over. In the panic, they tried to scramble ashore. But the tide took most of them. Help arrived several hours later. By then there was only the one survivor. That chap at the end of the bar - clinging to a rock. 'Hasn't been to sea since,' the boys tell me.

The tragedy was, the Norman didn't go down that day. When help arrived, she was still wedged on the rocks. 'If the crew had stayed on the ship, they would have all been saved,' the boys conclude.

'That's the golden rule,' the sea-sage tells me. 'Stay with the ship until the last minute.'

Nobody's told me this before. I'm learning new tricks every day.

***

Toby's regular wireless-operator is back off leave so I'm out of a ship. I pop over to Manchester to collect some clean gear. Then I'm back in Hull, lodging in Merchant Navy House; nine-shillings a night for a room with plywood walls, a rock-hard bed and a broken chair.

I spend my days in the Marconi office, waiting for another berth. I'm one of a band of operators, hanging around, laughing and joking and wandering to and from the coffee-shop that lies round the corner. My new friends are the small-craft operators. They offer their services to Marconi, Hellyer Brothers, and United Towing, among others. They're a different make than your deep-sea radio-officer. After my trip on the Carthusian, I have a special respect for them.

I already know a couple of them from my radio-college days in Brook's Bar, Manchester. That lad over there, the tall slim blond one, is Clive Knaggs from Ilkley. He was at the Bridlington College before he joined us in Brook's Bar. And that dark fellow with him is Angelo Parez. He's a Spaniard. He loves this way of life.

That young chap in the smart brown suit, the one with a tie on, is the operator off the Hildina. He's not happy just now. Because the clerk has just told him that, after one more trip out of Hull, the Hildina is being transferred to Fleetwood. So that lad wants to leave her as soon as possible, because he's just got married to a Hull girl. But the clerk says that, 'if you do this trip out of Hull, and the next trip out of Fleetwood, it'll give us time to arrange a relief - and you'll probably get Christmas at home.'

I wouldn't mind sailing out of Fleetwood myself. It's handy for Manchester. In fact I did try to get a job there before I came to Hull. I was on a day-trip to Blackpool at the time. So I popped-up to Fleetwood and went into one of the trawler-offices, looking for a job. But the manager took one look at me in my tailor-made tropical suit and flash Singapore-tie, and shook his head. 'I don't think you would like the trawlers,' he told me. But the Marconi Company isn't so fussy.

This guy with the black curly-hair and wax running down his ear-lobes on to his collar is the self-appointed leader-of-the-pack. He's been weighing me up ever since I came in. Now he's speaking to me. 'A lot of people come out-this-way,' he tells me. 'But they don't stick-it. But you look as if you might. You look like one of us.' It's meant to be a compliment. But it makes me worry. I don't want to be a Waxy.

The clerk is calling me over now. He asks me if I'll take a freighter up to Newcastle. I jump at it. The lousiest rust-bucket in port will be like a luxury-hotel to me. But now Waxy's leaping up and down in protest. He tells the clerk I'm a trawler-man and can't be switched across to cargo-ships.

'They're only paying us small-craft wages,' Waxy tells me. 'So we don't take the big-ships for them.'

The others mutter agreement. So I go along with them. 'When in Hull do as Hull does.' That's my motto. Later, I find out that most of this particular group have Special Tickets. They're not qualified to go on 'big-boats.' That's why I was singled out.

***

I'm sent to join the Milyna. At 416 gross, she's even smaller than the Carthusian. That's OK by me. She's 15 feet shorter, so I won't have to drag the livers so far. The Milyna is the same age as me - 19.

You've got to think small aboard this one. The radio-room is tiny. But it's got the same gear crammed into it as the Carthusian has. All the remaining deck-space is taken up by the chair. It's like being in a complicated telephone kiosk. There is no room for a mattress in here. So I sleep in a communal cabin with the other officers. The officers being the mate, bosun, third-hand, chief and Second-engineers - and me.

The cabin is down aft, below the grating, toilet and liver-room - above the prop and rudder. You get to it down a vertical ladder, situated by the galley and engine-room doors. At the bottom of the ladder you are in a windowless poke-hole. This is the crew's mess. On this ship there is no room for a mess behind the galley. The Cook and Galley-boy sleep in this place. So do the two Firemen. I don't know how the Cook manages. He's 20 stone if he's here at all. The crew sleep in the fo'c'sle like they do in all the trawlers I know.

Through a doorway from the crew's mess I'm in the officer's quarters. This is an equally poky and windowless room. A lot of deck-space is taken up by a table - designer-shaped to the stern of the ship - with a bench round three sides of it. There are six narrow ledges round the bulkhead, just wide enough for a donkey's-breakfast. These are our berths. The ledges are fitted with sliding-doors to stop the occupants being shot across the room when the ship performs. The ledges for the mate and the chief have bulkheads round them - to form tiny offices. The two messes are heated by a single coal-burning stove.

When it's time for beddy-byes I clamber into my cupboard and slide the doors closed. There's no light in here. And I'm right up against the metal of the ship's hull with the freezing ocean on the other side. I've been in cosier places. Condensation runs down the metal all the time. By reveille the mattress resembles a dunked-biscuit. So the first job of every watch is to go to the engine room and throw my mattress over a boiler to dry-out.

***

The Milyna's a brilliant sea-ship. She's a little dancer. She tackles every ripple. She has this rhythm with the waves - over-and-plunge, over-and-plunge. But when you get above force eight, you get those rogue lumps. They stop her dead in her tracks. It's like being on a bike and hitting a brick wall at ten-miles-an-hour. That's when she flings her backside up in the air - with the rudder out of the water and the screw racing. Then, even with deep-battens holding the plates in place, she'll clear the table for us. But the beauty is, she warns us first. She gives this little wobble. It's like she's tap-dancing. Then it's - 'hold on boys.'

***

The skipper aboard this one is Ernie, a tall strong-man with eyes that drill into you from below a cloth cap. He's a legend too. One of the tales they tell is that, during the war, there was a convoy assembling in Bridlington Bay. Then someone spotted a German mine - drifting in on the ships. Without a second thought, Ernie dived overboard, swam out to it, and held it off until the navy arrived.

'The skipper's a man of few words,' the mate tells me on our first day at sea. This is before Ernie makes his debut on the bridge. When Ernie does appear, I find that the mate's statement is a wild exaggeration. Ernie is not a man of few words, he's a man of only two words -'garn-fuck.' I work this out to be some kind of code. It really means, 'you're getting on my wick. If you don't clear-off - I'll drop you.' Every time I approach him, he tells me to 'garn-fuck.' It doesn't matter what I give him, navigation warnings, messages, trips, fishing information, bearings - every mortal thing gets a 'garn-fuck.'

***

It's back to the White Sea this trip. That's at least another 24 days at sea. I was hoping for Iceland. That's only 18 days or so. An extra six days at sea doesn't look a lot on paper. But when you only get two days in port - minutes are precious.

The weather's still bad. This southwest-gale has chased us from the Humber to Norway; four days of it - getting worse all the time. Massive waves race after us; break over the port-quarter, and rush along the deck like a millrace - six feet deep. The ship is heeling over at giddy-angles, and everywhere is wet-through.

The boys don't like it. 'Following-seas are dangerous,' they tell me. 'She can handle them coming over the quarter like this. But if they shift, and start coming over the stern, they'll overwhelm her - and push her under.'

We're approaching Norway now; getting a heavy cross-sea and back-swell from the shore. Now and again we pass other ships - hove-to because of the weather. But not us. We drop to half-speed and corkscrew through it. Don't get me wrong. I get a kick out of this weather. It's exciting. But it's uncomfortable - to put it mildly.

***

The radio and liver routines are the same as on the Carthusian. Credit to Ernie, I do get my six hours below on this one. But winter's coming on and the weather's closing in. We're off Murmansk now and the big winds are blowing. The seas are mountainous.

When we're off Norway or Iceland we can run for a port or lay-up in a fjord until it calms down. But the Cold War Russians won't let us in. No matter how fierce the weather blows, once we get within a mile of territorial waters, a gun-boat appears. So we hold our position over the ground by 'laying and dodging.' We dodge into the wind and sea for as long as we dare - with just enough speed to give us steerage. Then, when we have gone too far or are standing into danger, we batten down and shut-off the engine - like yachtsmen do.

Now we're beam-on to it, in the hands of the weather, and life is full of interest. At last, driven by wind and sea, back where we started, we re-start the engine and repeat the performance. We're laid just now, and the weather is so bad that the mate and bosun have joined the skipper in the wheelhouse. There's a spare-hand ready by the wheel, and everyone's hanging on to something. I automatically turn up the receiver-gain and join the others, wedging myself in the radio-room doorway. There's comfort in numbers. No-one speaks.

When we go up on a sea it's like being on a hill with the lights of the other ships way down below. Then we're down in a trough - in a valley of black-water. Now she's over on her side. She's staying there - straining and creaking. 'Jesus,' gasps the mate.

'If she's trim she'll come back,' Ernie growls. By the tone of his voice I reckon she'll get a damn good hiding if she doesn't.

She recovers. But now she's over again. My heart's in my mouth. 'Jesus,' repeats the Mate.

'If she's trim she'll come back,' Ernie growls again.

She recovers. Then she's over again. The spare-hand gets in first. 'Say she isn't trim?' he wonders. It's like a magic formula. Everyone bursts out laughing and the tension has gone.

The mate isn't the only-one to call on the Lord. The boys confide in me that Whatsaname, one of the younger spare-hands, says silent prayers when things get hairy. It's as if they've discovered that he's got his wife's knickers on. Whenever there's a big bang and the ship labours under the weight of water, Whatsaname turns his back and bows his head.

One day there's a group of us standing in the accommodation passageway, having a smoke - when she takes a wallop. The cook and galley-boy flee from the galley yelling, 'there's water coming down the vent!' There are more yells coming from the engine-room. The boys nudge me and nod towards Whatsaname. He's turned away and bowed his head. It's like they've spotted his panty-line.

I screw-up my face, showing suitable disdain at such wimpish behaviour. I don't bother to tell them that every-hour, on-the-hour, I renew my pact with God, the Devil and Neptune that - if they get me back to Manchester in one piece - I'll never swear, drink or have sex for the rest of my life.

***

On these coal-burners there is no sheltered route between the accommodation and the bridge. If you want to eat, drink or go to the toilet, you've got to go out on deck. It's even worse for the deckies. They've got to come over the exposed foredeck using lifelines. When it gets really bad, they're trapped in the fo'c'sle.

There's always a kettle of hot cocoa, battened down on the galley-stove, and a big tub of fried fish battened to the table. So sometimes I nip down for a 'smoko,' and while I'm there I grab a chunk of fish and a hot drink. In bad weather there's always a lot of water swilling round the deck, so I sometimes go over the boat-deck and down the ladder at the after-end of the accommodation. No-one else does this.

Now I'm making my way aft in foul weather in the black of the Arctic night. I've no shelter. I'm aware of the wind tearing at me, and the breakers racing around me with the white foam flashing like snarling fangs. I suddenly feel very vulnerable and lonely.

When I get back to the bridge, the bosun tells me never to go that way again. It's not advice. It's an order. The next day, Whatsaname and I decide to take our 'smoko' at the same time. By now the weather is atrocious and we're lying beam-on. Just going for a drink is a sea-boot job. Whatsaname is more experienced than me. He's out through the lee door, on to the engine room casing, down the ladder - and dashing along the main-deck.

I'm taking my time. I start to descend the ladder when - bang! There's an almighty thump on the far side of the ship. She lurches and turns to lead. I instinctively hook my arms through a rung and lock my hands together as a wall of freezing water thunders over the casing, round the funnel, and crashes over me. I'm submerged beneath the icy mass. I don't know if I'm in the sea, or still aboard, or if the ship's sunk or afloat. The water begins to ebb and the thin yellow stack comes slowly into view - looking like a wet woodbine. That wave has just put a massive dent in the far side that funnel. Then I see the third-hand, officer-of-the-watch, with his nose pressed against the wheelhouse window. He tells me later that he thinks I'm a goner and has put the telegraph to standby. If I was going over the boat-deck today... well - say no more.

Now I'm on the lurching main-deck with my sea-boots filled to the brim with ice cold water. After this - don't talk to me about handicaps. My legs and body are frozen-numb. Whatsaname is already under the shelter-deck, which is the underside of the boat-deck, hanging like a monkey with his arms and legs locked round a pipe. He's well clear of the deck. I'm staggering towards him, stiff legged and leaden when - bang! She's takes another one.

'Get up here!' yells Whatsaname. 'I can't. My legs are too heavy,' I cry, locking my arms round a handrail that runs along the casing. Now the water comes charging round the corner - crashing into me, chest-deep, winding me and dragging me. I hang on like a welded fixture. I'm too scared to die.

At the accommodation door I've still got problems. I can't go inside with my boots full of water, and she's still shipping big ones. Now, at last, I'm down in the cabin, changing my clothes. 'Look at the way sparks is shivering,' says the second-engineer, 'he must be freezing.'

'That's not cold,' the bosun growls. 'That's fear.' They're both right.

***

The sea's not the only problem. They've built dangers into the ship too - to keep us on our toes. Harry, one of the firemen, has the daily job of humping coal up from the stokehold to the galley and the cabin, to replenish the stocks. We're fishing again now. And a group of us are heading back to work after a snatched meal. As we emerge into the passage, Harry is climbing up the engine room ladder with a sack of coal over his shoulder. Suddenly, the ladder collapses under the weight. The sack and the ladder crash down to the metal-deck below. Harry dangles, screaming, over the void, with his elbows hooked over the lip of the doorway.

The cook appears at the galley door to see what the fuss is about. 'What's the matter, Harry?' he asks in a matter-of-fact voice, looking down at the fireman.

'I wanna get down! I wanna get down!' screams Harry.

'Well - let go and you'll drop down,' says the cook.

***

Back in the radio-room I trawl the bands. This is when Captain Parrot arrives on the scene. He's a Grimsby Skipper who started the trip in northeast Iceland. Now he's here in the Barents Sea. He must have come via Jan Mayen and Bear Island. He's already been at sea for twenty-odd days and has had to take extra bunkers aboard in Iceland. 'It cost me a fortune. I'll never pay for this trip,' he whines on simplex, like Skippers do. While every time he pauses, someone breaks in and squawks, 'pretty polly,' or 'whose a pretty boy then?'

'I can't find any fish anywhere,' complains Captain Parrot. (Pretty polly. Pretty polly). 'And what little bit of fish I did have has gone rotten.' (Who's a Pretty-boy then?). I offer to take a snap-bearing, but Ernie tells me to 'garn-fuck.'

I rig up calls for Ernie too. He will speak to other Skippers, but it's a set piece - all about catching nothing. And he always finishes with the same line - 'it's this wireless-operator they've give' me,' he grumbles. 'He's a fuckin' Jonah from the West Riding.' This becomes his personal amen at the end of every monologue. To Ernie, everywhere beyond the stench of the fish-meal factory on Hull docks - is the West Riding. Unless it's south of the Humber. Then it's Lincolnshire - and enemy.

***

So the sunless days roll on in an endless routine of fishing and boiling livers, laying and dodging, gathering information, direction finding and chasing fish, monitoring trips and Norwegian weather-forecasts - as well as copying traffic-lists and broadcasts from Wick Radio.

***

Along with the moment when that bag of fish breaks the surface, yet another recurring sight is imprinting itself indelibly on my memory. I see a group of deckies standing in the pounds beneath the deck-lights, knee-deep in silver fish - gutting - laughing and joking; yellow oilskins glistening wet; with the ship dipping and rolling; and the gulls screaming. These guys amaze me. Out here in the freezing wind and spray, they can roll a cigarette with one hand, stick it between their lips, light it, and then puff happily away - and keep it going. One of them, Peter, is a real gem. He's got this powerful, beautiful tenor voice. And all the time he's gutting he's singing ballads and pop-songs. His voice, now loud, now snatched away on the fitful wind - is forever lilting and haunting.

***

We've been doing OK for a while. But now we've had a couple of bad hauls, so we move along the coast a bit. We're doing our first tow in the new position as I make my way aft for dinner. As I come down the ladder and through the crews’ mess, I shout to the boys at the table, 'we're OK now - we're on fish!'

'Who said?' they ask.

'Me - I can smell it,' I say confidently - because I can. They pull wry faces at one another. We haul an hour later - and the trawl is bulging. I'm getting there.

Now I'm back in the radio-room. And I've stumbled on Captain Parrot again. This time he's on about his cook. 'I wouldn't mind if he was a bad cook,' says Captain Parrot. (Pretty-polly. Pretty-polly). 'I've sailed with lots of bad cooks in my time.' (Who's a Pretty-boy then?). 'I can live with a bad cook. But this fellah can't cook at all.' (Pretty-polly. Pretty-polly). 'He can't cook anythin'. We even have to make our own cocoa.' (Who's a Pretty-boy then?)

***

Homeward bound at last. The Norwegians are forecasting severe gales for the Norwegian Sea - and everywhere else. But the markets are promising so we just keep going. The Norwegians are right. As we leave the shelter of Lofoten we enter a world of massive black lumps with snarling white tops and lashing spray. There's no option but to plough into it. Every now and then the Milyna does her crazy little dance, stops-dead in her tracks, and flings her backside up in the air.

We're well out to sea now. And tragedy strikes. Bill, the chief, is on watch. He climbs a ladder to do a job in the engine room. Then the ship hits a sea. The jolt throws Bill from his perch, and he crashed down, legs spread apart, on to a metal handle or spike. The spike hits him between the testicles and anus and drives up into his body. It's bad - real-bad.

'We'll have to get him in somewhere,' the mate shouts to Ernie, above the din of the weather, as he comes into the wheelhouse.

'Garn-fuck,' Ernie growls, 'I've known Bill for years. Bill's all-right.'

Then the bosun and cook come up with the same demand. The pressure is on. So Ernie goes down to see the damage for himself. When he comes back to the radio-room door his face is grim. 'Get me a doctor,' he growls.

I send an Urgency-message, XXX in Morse, to Wick Radio on 500 khz. It's winter and night. Radio-range is maximum. So we manage to set up a limit-of-range link-call to a doctor. It's difficult to understand each other, but the doctor gets the drift and tells us to get Bill into hospital - urgently.

It's decision time for Ernie. Alesund, in Norway, is the nearest port. That means running before a force 9. The boys don't want to know about it. They tell me that if you run before a following sea in a gale, the waves will overwhelm the ship and push her under. The only people who ever attempt it are the Icelanders - when they are icing-up on the northerly fishing grounds. A build up of ice will turn a ship over. But when you're icing-up in a northerly gale you can't go on deck and chip the stuff off. When it comes to this the Icelanders take the bit between their teeth. They make a run-for-it - away from the ice. That means running before the gale. But when it's a choice between possible death, and death with a written-guarantee - what do you do?

Ernie's alternative is Lerwick, which is further away. He removes his cap and scratches his bald-head - deep in thought. Then he feels naked and plonks the cap back on his head. 'Tell Wick we are taking an injured man into Lerwick,' he growls at me.

Ernie's primitive radar has little range. So navigation at this stage is by dead-reckoning and radio-direction-finding. The mate and I are working together. He's watching the magnetic compass and noting the ships course every time I yell 'head!' It's interesting work, trying to synchronize a radio-bearing with a trawler's head when she's kicking and yawing in a gale. I don't rate any of my bearings higher than class-3 - plus or minus ten degrees.

Ernie greets them all with a disdainful 'garn-fuck.' I keep searching for the beacon at Bressay - BY - which will 'home' us into Lerwick, but its range is only about 20 miles. Ernie is growling at his primitive radar, trying to make sense out of a mass of rain-and-sea-clutter.

Now Sod's law kicks-in. The radar packs-up. Ernie needs that radar - badly. I can hear him in wheelhouse, banging and cursing. The mate and I keep our heads down - taking a string of bearings. But I'm too scared to hand them to Ernie. Now Ernie goes quiet. I'm really glad that I'm not involved in this. I don't know anything about radar. I've never sailed on a ship that had one - except the Carthusian. And Toby wouldn't even let me see the pretty picture. This is 1953 - I've never even seen a television-set. I give a sigh of relief. I can pass on this one. I'm not involved. I'm absolutely fireproof.

'Sparks - come here!' Ernie's standing at the radio-room door with a manual in his hand. I feel a deep sense of foreboding. The manual is open at the photograph of a scanner. 'Go up top,' Ernie tells me, 'and unscrew this plate.' He taps the photograph. 'There's a crystal under it. Take it out and put this one in.' He hands me something like a large slug-gun pellet.

That's how I came to be up here - the radar-mast of the Milyna - in a full gale, in the Shetland winter, frozen and drenched in spray, struggling to hang-on and replace a tiny crystal with numb fingers. Ernie has reduced speed, and is doing his best to control her, but the ship is still leaping and yawing. I wish I was Postman Pat or someone.

Job done, I return to the warmth of the wheelhouse. 'Where's the old crystal?' Ernie asks, rewarding me with half-a-tumbler of rum. 'In the big locker,' I tell him. I flicked it triumphantly overboard as I returned to the safety of the monkey-island.

Ernie begins to tremble and growl. 'Uhrrr-rrrr...!' Ernie's growl spells 'grave and imminent danger.' I've made him unhappy. I can tell by the curses and threats. Now I can see the problem. He gets a rebate on the duff-crystals. I gulp down the rum in-case he snatches it back. 'I didn't know,' I protest. 'Nobody told me,' I mutter as I scamper into the radio-room to resume the bombardment of class-3 bearings.

As Bill is being stretchered off the ship in Lerwick, Ernie appears at the wheelhouse door. 'Do you want anything, Bill?' he shouts.

'Aye - a piss,' Bill replies.

Famous last words. We never see him again.

***

St Andrew's Fish Dock in the early hours of a winter's morning; cold and dark with the rain slanting in the pools of dim-light that surround the quayside lamps. Trawlers lie tied alongside each other, wet-decked and lifeless.

The Milyna is the third ship out. I clamber over the other boats, then pause, awed by the very wee-ness of her. Yeah - I know she's small. The third-hand once told me, 'when she's fully-laden, she's only got a nine-inch freeboard.' But tonight, even with several pints of beer swilling round my gut, I'm taken aback by how tiny she appears. I shrug it off and drop down to her, mindful of the half-dozen eggs stowed in my seabag.

I make my way aft and join the crew as they gather below in the mess-room and cabin. Conversation is centred round the price we got for the catch... the liver bonus... Bill, our injured Chief... and the few hours in port with family and friends.

***

We nose round Spurn and plough into the weather. The never-ending gale is shrieking round the superstructure. Ernie, with a 'don't disturb' growl, goes down to his cabin. The third-hand takes charge of the watch. The bosun and mate go down for a kip. Time passes. Morning dawns. The bosun comes into the wheelhouse to take over the watch.

'She's handling badly,' the third-hand tells him. 'And she's getting worse.' They stand together in the dawning light, peering, thoughtful and puzzled, through the wheelhouse window. Heavy seas continually crash over the bow. The ship feels heavy and sluggish. This is not the little girl who leapfrogs the Atlantic rollers and dances in the arms of the Arctic storms. She doesn't shake the water off. She's beginning to labour like a whale in its harpoon-death-throes.

Suddenly - realisation dawns. The bosun let's out a curse. 'She's down by the head,' he blurts. 'Get the mate!'

'Christ!' The mate doesn't hesitate. 'Skipper! skipper!' he yells down the ladder.

'Get the boys to the pump!' Ernie orders, emerging from the ladder and striding across the wheelhouse pulling his braces over his shoulders. But the mate's already in action.

'The pump's blocked!' The deckie-learner snatches open the wheelhouse door and yells at Ernie.

Ernie shoots through the door and disappears down the casing - off to see for himself. He finds the pump is blocked with coal. Every time the crew clear it - it blocks again - instantly.

***

Last-trip when Bill, the chief, was injured, the chain-of-command was broken. The second-engineer had to cover two watches, That's a 24 hour day. The firemen were stoking like the demons-of-hell to keep us on wet-steam. And, at the same time, they had to help the second to run the engine room. When we arrived in port, the chief would normally allocate tasks and supervise them himself. One of the jobs was to pump the bilges and replace the bilge covers. Because, during the trip, the covers were left open to allow water from the ice and the hoses to drain into the bilges, from where it could pumped over the side.

This time home, Bill wasn't there. And the engine room crew were knackered after the extra work. As soon as the ship docked they automatically reverted to their normal roles. None of them had the job of making decisions. Like the rest of us, they wanted to get off the ship and head for home. So no-one pumped the bilges or replaced the covers.

Then, for the second time in a week, Sod's-law kicked-in. Because, during the trip north we carry the coal for the voyage home in the after fish-room. This fuel is moved into the main bunker as space becomes available. But this time, when the shore-squad in Hull bunkered the ship, the coal they put in the fish-room poured through the open drain-holes into the bilges. Now the bilges are overflowing with coal and water. The Milyna is wallowing and awash, and the pumps are choked - so the fish-rooms are flooding. Ernie sends a party to swing the lifeboat, then hurries back to the bridge.

***

I tune one transmitter and receiver to the Morse distress-frequency, and a second transmitter and receiver to the radio-telephone frequency. I'm a belt-and-braces man. The batteries are charged. So it's all-systems - go.

Now I stand in the doorway and watch the action. Last trip, I sent an Urgency Message - XXX. This trip is building up to a Distress Message - SOS.

The wheelhouse door flings open again. 'The derrick's buggered!' yells the third-hand above the din of the wind and sea. 'The boat's seized in the cradle. When we tried to swing it, everything collapsed.'

Ernie shoots through the door again.

A short time later, Ernie strides back into the wheelhouse looking thoughtful. He's a worried man. The ship's foundering in bad weather. The pumps are choked. There's no lifeboat. And we're not fitted with life-rafts.

It's decision time again. An inquiry will call this crew-negligence. We didn't pump her-out or replace the bilge-covers. And it was all so obvious when we joined her. Even I, the greenhorn sparks from the 'West Riding,' could see she was low in the water, but said nothing. I took it for granted that other people knew better than me. I didn't realise that she hadn't been pumped-out. I just thought she was small. It fitted-in with the thought of a nine-inch freeboard. Besides - I'm new around here. I've got an image to create. I don't want to say stupid things. I've got to look cool.

Maybe some of the others have similar reasons. I don't know.

***

On stand-by, alone in the radio-room - I weigh it all up.

This is not the crew's fault, I conclude. The culprit is the trawler-owners' profit-greed. Everything about this industry is about making money. There's nothing about safety.
Trawler-owners are gets. 'Get fish! Get it ashore! Get it sold! Get bunkered! Get iced! Get to sea! Get fish...!'

Limiting ships to a 48 hour turn-round is a scandal. It's asking for trouble. There's no time for anything. This is my third time 'out this way.' And I've never done a boat-drill yet - or seen a boat swung.

Forty-eight hours in port doesn't equal two days at home. During that time you've got to hang around for your pay, get organised, and get back to the ship. And the boys head back to the dock knowing they are in for another gruelling three-or-four-weeks at sea. So they call in for a drink to mask the pain. I know I do. And whose going to blame us?

The boys are in a rush to get off the ship when she docks. And they scurry aboard at the last minute before she sails. And that's how ships get lost. The pompous know-alls in the inquiry will call this 'crew-error.'

I call it exploitation.

***

For the second time in a week, Ernie removes his cap and scratches his bald-head. The buck stops here.

I 'wig' around the inter-ship channels discreetly. None of the ships I hear seem to be in our vicinity. And there's nothing to be seen visually. So if she does go-down there will be no instant salvation - and we have no lifeboat to scramble into. We need ships to divert towards us - immediately. But if we put out an urgency-call, Pan or XXX, our plight will become public knowledge. All the fishing community will know - including the owner. After that, even though the ship may be saved, questions will be asked.

Stories will flood the fishing fleet and Hull fish-docks in an unstoppable tide of Chinese Whispers. The crew will be blamed - and everyone aboard the Milyna knows that. In this game, you have to earn your berth on a ship. There are scores of men clamouring for your job. Reputation is everything. Today, on the Milyna, reputations and careers are at stake.

Ernie's in a trough between two great waves. One is the safety of his crew - the other is their reputation. 'Go below and get plenty of warm clothes on,' he tells me. 'Then get back up here - quick!'

***

As I move along the ship I see every-one going calmly about their tasks. In the main cabin, I find the mate taking floats out the locker and stacking them on the big table. The floats are about two feet square with a couple of rope-loops on each side. Each float has the words 'THIS WILL SUPPORT 8 MEN' stencilled on it. The mate holds one aloft. 'Look at this sparks,' he shouts, 'imagine eight of us stood on that.'

I emerge from the ladder by the galley door where the cook is busy making stew for the crew who filter wearily-in from their toil. As I come into view the galley-boy looks up from his job of ladling to the men and says, 'we're sinking, sparks.' His voice is full of incredulity.

I nod my head and say 'yeah - I know,' equally disbelieving. It all seems a bit unreal.

'She's down six-feet by the head,' a spare-hands tells us, holding his plate over the pot in readiness for stew. His thick black jersey is soaking-wet and he's dripping water from his oilskin trousers.

'There's eight-foot of water in the middle fish-room,' says another, red-eyed and weary, as he comes in from the cold.

***

Back in the radio-room, nothing has changed. Familiar signals chirp from the receivers. The transmitters hum. It's warm and cosy. The vessel isn't listing crazily - just wallowing and rolling sluggishly. There's a false sense of security. 'We're foundering in a gale in the North Sea,' I tell myself. 'And this is what it's like.' I often wondered. Now I know - and I feel strangely relaxed.

I wander into the wheelhouse and look through the for'ard window. It's more dramatic outside. The seas are rolling over the foredeck and filling her up. She's obviously sinking.

***

Below decks, in another world, the crew frantically pump water, and shift coal round the after-fish-room. They must get to those open grids, clear the bilges of coal, get the covers back on, and pump her out. They trim and re-trim the ship; continually relieving each other for refreshments and a rest.

Day becomes night. And still, up on the bridge, Ernie plays it cool. At last, with the dawn of another day, it all pays off. The pumps are free. The bilges are clear. The ship is trim. We're underway to the White Sea.

Only now do I realise how wet everything is, the cabin, the mess-room, our beds. Fingers begin to point, and the rigid-bollockings begin. It's another near-miss. They must happen all the time. But nobody knows.

***

It's the 1st December '53. The bollockings have finished and we've settled back to work. We are somewhere to the east of Orkney, and I'm in the queue with Wick Radio, waiting for a link-call. The radio officer at Wick suddenly breaks in and tells us to retune to the calling frequency and standby for a distress broadcast. I switch the receiver through to the bridge-speaker so that the bosun can follow events.

On the calling frequency the skipper of the Velia is shouting to Wick. 'That Mayday was from the Hildina,' he says. 'She's fishing with me - 50 miles north by west of Sule Skerry. She towed away to the west. I can still see her smoke on the horizon. We've chopped the gear and we're heading for her.'

I stand at the radio-room doorway with the bosun and one of the spare-hands, smoking and listening to the drama. The other spare-hand sprawls over the wheel, cigarette in mouth, listening intently.

This is the Hildina's first trip out of Fleetwood. She was transferred from Hull on the 26th of November - five days ago. And that newly-wed wireless-operator is aboard her.

The story unfolds piecemeal. 'I've picked up eight men,' the Velia reports at last. The Velia is a sister ship of the Hildina. She's out of Fleetwood too. They're both owned by the same company - J Marr & Son.

The Velia's skipper gets the story from the survivors and passes it to Wick. The Hildina is fishing in rough weather. Suddenly, her trawl 'comes-fast' on the seabed. The fouled gear pulls the ship onto her side and she takes a huge sea that smashes through a watertight door and fills the accommodation. More seas follow and she begins to capsize.

An engineer runs back down the ladder to shut-down the engine. The wireless-operator dashes to the radio-room and gets out a Mayday. The Skipper and three crewmen try to clear the gear. The mate and the rest of the crew are swinging the boat and getting ready for the 'abandon-ship' order. In the midst of it all, the Hildina turns over and goes down.

The wireless-operator, engineer, skipper and his three helpers go down with her.

***

Going through the Fjords with Ernie is more relaxed. I can talk to the pilots. And, this trip, the Norwegian forest-folk have got their trees ablaze with Christmas lights. We're cruising through a beautiful Fairyland.

Reality comes with the North Cape. We're back in the fishing-routine and the weather's going down-hill.

The Brits are a law unto themselves up here. We take over a British ship-to-shore radio-channel as a communal calling and answering frequency. That leaves all the inter-ship channels free for fishing chat. Channel-six is the obvious choice because the nearest station to use that frequency is Humber Radio. He's not going to hear us from this distance. It's very handy because you can always find who you are looking for if you dip-in on channel-six.

There's a spare-hand on one of the Grimsby-boats who has a beautiful baritone voice. And every Sunday morning his skipper puts him on channel-six and he sings the Lord's Prayer to us. It's another magic moment. And we need magic moments.

The weather's too bad for fishing now - and still deteriorating. There's a whole fleet of British ships, gathered from all the fishing ports, laid-and-dodging, trying to hold their position on this bank. But now it's force-nine and gusting storm-ten in the blizzards. It drags on and on. Still - there's nothing we can do but dodge and lay - dodge and lay.

Now one of the lads is shouting over the radio. 'Is everyone here? Are all the ships accounted for?' He's just dodged out of a blizzard and seen red-flares going up. But now he's back in the snow and can see nothing.

We do a quick check. All the Brits are accounted for. On every trawler the bridge-watch and wireless-operators begin straining their eyes and ears. Ernie can't make anything out on the radar. There's too much weather-clutter. But I find that Vardo Radio is handling a full-blown distress.

A Finnish freighter, right in the midst of us, is foundering in the storm. And, because we've let the distress-watch slip, we haven't heard his call for help. I screw up my face. Guilt hurts. God - I've got enough receivers in here to keep a distress watch.

The trouble is, we're all so focussed on fish that everything else goes out of our minds. Every minute of every day, whatever the weather, we're under pressure to get fish. But I swear never to let the distress watch lapse again.

Two trawlers, one from Grimsby and one from Fleetwood, manage to rescue the freighter's crew, 18 men and two women - in the most appalling conditions imaginable. Other trawlers stand-by and assist with searchlights between the snow-squalls. The Milyna's not required.

Thank God - because we can't see a goddam thing where we are.

***

Now Ernie's dodged into this tiny cove near North Cape to get us out of the weather. God - it's harsh in here. Sheer rock-walls towering all round us, glistening with ice. They're so close you feel you can touch them. When the blizzard closes in it's real scary. But it's better than that sea.

***

The storm's abated a little, so we nose outside. Ernie's using the bad weather to dodge up to Bear Island. We can't fish in this anyway.

All the ships that are heading up-north from the UK at this moment are going to be at sea over Christmas. So they are all sending their 'bunches' of Christmas-greeting messages via Wick Radio. They pump out anywhere between ten and thirty messages at a time - for Christmas delivery. And Wick's sending the same back to them. So trying to get Ernie's coded-reports back to the owner, and keep up with everything else, is pretty hard-going.

***

This is Bear Island. The weather round here can be the worst you'll find anywhere. It's the coldest place you can fish. Just look at the sea. Do you see that mist creeping towards us over the surface? That's the Black Frost. See how ghostly it is. Watch it creeping up on the ships until all you see are the shadows of their superstructures and funnels. Can you sense the eerie silence of it? Do you feel how cold it's gone? It feels to me like the fingers of death. Now watch - see how the spray freezes as it lands on deck. Everything is already icing-up.

The boys will go on deck now and start chipping the ice. They're really wary of the Black Frost. It's got this sinister reputation. It can build up on a radio-antenna and bring it crashing to the deck. Ice like that will capsize a ship. That's how bad it gets. But it's OK so long as they keep it under control - and the big winds stay away.

But if a gale comes while the frost is around - you've got real problems. Because when you go on deck you are standing on ice. And you can't stand on ice in bad weather - so you can't chip. You don't need a skipper's certificate to know what that means. Ships can ride-out storms. But ice will ride-out ships - and take them to their deaths.

Fortunately, at Bear Island, the big winds come from the south-west. That brings massive seas. But the storms are warm enough to keep the ice at bay. So you don't get the fatal combination. But on the north coast of Iceland the gales come from the north. That's when the ice comes in the teeth of a gale. And that's bad news.

But look on the bright side. Up here, with a clear sky like this, they switch on the Northern Lights. If you look up now - that's them you can see. Today they look like green searchlights - beaming across the sky. I caught a glimpse of them the other day and they were like massive smoke-rings - waxing and waning above my head. If you keep your eyes open, before we go home you will see fantastic multi-coloured patterns all over the sky. It's a hypnotic kaleidoscope up there.

It's where God makes the rainbows.

***

We're back in the Norwegian Sea again - homeward bound. The weather today is as bad as it gets. It never lets-up. But what do you expect in winter? And hey - we'll be home for Christmas.

Bang!

God - I've never felt a wave like that before. It's stopped her dead in her tracks. What a wallop! It's a wonder she didn't fly apart at the seams. Do you feel the Milyna rearing-up - trying to get over it? It must be massive. Feel her shuddering and labouring - I'll swear she's going backwards. Now she's plunging down the other side.

What's that shouting in wheelhouse? What's going on?

Thud! God - it's like she's hit a mine.

It's another big one. She's taken a lot of water aboard this time. Just feel her. She's turned to lead. She's dead in the water. And she's shuddering-hard - struggling to rise.

Thump! I don't believe this. That's another one. And she hasn't recovered from the other two. Feel her trembling under the weight of water - straining - trying to shake it off.

She's rising. She's still afloat. Thank God for that. She's done it. She's away again - over and plunge, over and plunge. What a star.

That was a nasty moment though. The skipper's in the wheelhouse now. He wants to know what happened. The mate's telling him about it. The man-at-the-wheel sees this massive wave coming and eases her into it. Then the mate sees him freeze.

The man can see two more giants charging after the first - one behind the other. The mate takes it all in, leaps for the wheel, knocks the man out of the way, and takes over. That's what the shouting was about.

'Sparks!' That's Ernie from the wheelhouse. 'Are there any ships in trouble?'

'No,' I tell him. I've no hesitation. I'm keeping a watch on both the WT and RT distress frequencies.

'Well come here and take a look at this,' he tells me.

I go into the wheelhouse and stand with the mate and one of the spare-hands. Ernie has got the glasses trained on the freighter that's on the starboard bow. The other spare-hand, the one who froze, is back on the wheel and fully recovered. The freighter is listing badly and labouring in the heavy seas. As we draw close, I can see that the deck-cargo has shifted. Some of it is hanging over the side. It's pulling the ship over. As we come up to her we can see crew-men - desperately working on the sloping-deck.

'She's in serious trouble,' says the mate.

I nod. 'If she was hit by the three waves we got, I'm not surprised,' I tell myself.

Ernie hands me the Aldis-lamp. 'See if she wants assistance,' he tells me.

I signal several times but there's no reply. So I go the radio-room and call her on RT. 'Unknown ship to starboard. This is the British trawler Milyna. Do you hear me? Over.' Still no joy. So now I try it in Morse on 500 Khz. But it's all in vain.

She's a Russian. We can tell that from the hieroglyphics on her bow and stern. This is the Cold War. She doesn't want to know us. Death before dishonour. We've no time to play silly-buggers. We've a market to catch. And Christmas is coming. So we wish her a silent 'bon-voyage.' Then steam away and leave her to her fate.

I maintain my distress watches. But there's never a cheep from her. Our mystery ship remains a mystery.

***

It's February '54. I'm in Manchester, dumping evil-smelling washing on the laundry-fairy. I arrived home yesterday evening. And I'm going back to Hull this afternoon. I've already got the beer in for the train-journey.

I come downstairs, bleary-eyed and hung-over after last-night's-clubbing.

'Another trawler's sunk,' my mother tells me accusingly. She's very religious my mother - eats fish every Friday. But in spite of her prayers, trawlers keep sinking and fishermen drowning. She feels there's a conspiracy afoot. She can't put her finger on it. But, somehow, she feels I'm a part of it.

I listen to the one-o'clock news.

The Laforey has been found upside-down on the Norwegian-coast. Gatley sent an SOS last-night. He said they were on the Yttero reef and capsizing. Time passes. The search is called off. There are no survivors.

While I was out playing, Gatley and his nineteen mates from Grimsby died a violent death at the hands of that callous team - the cruel Norwegian Sea and its vicious coast.

Our chief-engineer, Bill, and those two ships, the Hildina and Laforey, have all met their fate in a little over two months. And this is peacetime.

***

A month later I bump into the mate of the Carthusian in Rayner's Pub on West Dock Avenue. He gives me more bad news. One of their spare-hands is dead. When they were shooting the trawl the man was down aft. Somehow, he lost his footing and slipped on the grating.
'Ruptured his belly-button,' says the mate.

When the ship docked the man made for home and died of his injuries. The mate attended the inquest.

He shakes his head in disgust. 'There wasn't a single seaman on the jury,' he says. 'All shore people who didn't know what I was talking about. I had to draw pictures for them. I even had to draw a grating.'

'Why didn't you get this man straight to hospital when the ship docked?' demands the coroner.

'I was busy getting the catch ashore. There was money at stake.' The mate tells him.

'Is money more important than a man's life?' demands the coroner.

'On Hull fish-dock it is,' retorts the mate.

FINIS

***

POSTSCRIPT

On the third of January 2003 Gareth Evans sent me the following e-mail. (No connection here to the Evans brothers at Arctic Corsair). The anguish felt by Gareth's father and grandmother must have been almost unbearable... 'Hello to Charles Gregory and a happy new year. I was looking through the

fleetwood-trawlers@con pages and I came across the articles on the Laforey. My name is Gareth Evans ex Grimsby skipper and grandson of William (Billy) Mogg DSC MBE, skipper of the Laforey. Kenneth Mogg was mate. Granddad's brother-in-law Jack Powley was the third-hand. As you will probably realise this was a big tragedy in our family. My grandmother lost her husband, son and brother all at the same time. My father was Tom Evans, skipper of the sister-ship Stockham that went along with the other vessels to try and assist the Laforey. Will no doubt speak again. And as my grandfather always said when hanging-up the telephone, which used to make us kids howl with laughter, "OVER OVER."'

***

In early August 2003 I had the following exchange of e-mails with one Arthur Swain - vp2va... 'Greeting from the beautiful British Virgin Islands. I read the two stories of the S.T. Laforey with great interest. I searched the internet for a map showing the location of Yttero Reef but I couldn't find anything. I sailed with Grimsby Industries in 1948/9 as "Sparks" on the Cunningham and then the Laforey. I think the skipper was named 'Stormy Bob' and the mate 'Snowy White." I was 17 at the time... Best Regards Arthur Swain'

'Hi Arthur Regarding the position of Yttero - the Laforey's last resting place. I've just received the following from a friend in Norway. "Ships usually got south along the coast fairly close to the entrance of Bergen before crossing the North Sea, especially in heavy weather. Yttero is on the west coast, north of Bergen, where there is a lighthouse on some islands bordering the North Sea. Nearly as far west as you can get on the coast. It seems to guard the reefs outside the island of Ytre Sula. To the south lies the lighthouse Holmengraa, which is also a point you pass going into the North Sea for the shortest possible crossing. I would say that Yttero lies half way between Bergen and Floro - which is an oil industry port on that coast." That's it. Hope you can get a rough idea of the location from your map. KR's Charlie'

***

Then finally - or maybe not. On the 17th of January 2004 I received the following... 'Hello Charlie, I've just read your colourful account of life as a wireless-operator. I don't know how I missed it when I last visited Jim Porter's excellent website. One of those to whom you dedicated your story was my late father, Robert Macdonald (Roy) Robertson, who went down with the Hildina (H222) on 1st December 1953. I asked Jim if he knew how to contact you, as I very much wanted to express my appreciation - not only for the excellent piece of work - but also for the dedication to my father. What a testament it is to the wonders of technology when, 50 years after the event, it is possible to read a new account of those dangerous and frequently tragic days aboard. You refer to meeting my father, the young lad with the new Hull wife. The new Hull wife is of course my mother, who received the news of the loss of the Hildina, my father, and 5 others whilst she was still in the maternity ward having given birth to me ten days earlier. My mother is still around, now aged 77, and I got on the phone to her immediately I read your story. She was very moved by it all. My grandfather never really got over the loss of his only son. Although a very accomplished man in his own right, he went to his grave referring to himself only as "the father of the Hero of the Hildina." To anyone who would listen, he referred to my father with the words "saved nine lives and lost his own." A reference to my father's transmission of maydays from the radio room beyond the point when there was any hope of saving himself. I've got the transcript of the transmissions to and from Wick Radio, which is poignant stuff, and all the press cuttings from the day. The Hull Daily Mail recently carried a piece from its front page of 1st December 1953. They do this under the heading of "from 50 years ago." Of course, the loss of the Hildina was front page news then, and it was surprising how many people contacted my mother when they saw it. Fishing folk clearly have long memories. Anyway, it was truly great to stumble across your story. I shall print it for my mother, she'll be delighted to have it. And a great privilege for me to be able to write to you. Thanks again. Yours aye John Robertson'

'Hi John Wow! I mean WOW! I've just read your e-mail and I've got goose-pimples. Honestly! I've got goose-pimples. That is really, really something. And I'm so pleased to meet you - if it's only by e-mail. I remember that day as vividly as if it were happening right now. All the chat between the rescuers. The dramatically unfolding tragedy. And then the news that the wireless-operator - your dad - was among those lost. I don't know what to say really. But please tell your mother that she has often been in my thoughts, along with your father... Charlie'

Monday 26th January 'Hi Do you know Charlie, I'm still completely mesmerised by all this. I've racked my brain to recall why I went searching the internet for "Hildina" in early December 2003. Maybe some auto-suggestive thing surrounding the anniversary of the date of the loss. It was the first time I've done it. I didn't spot your article at that time. What I did spot was the Hildina page, and the list of crew lost. I asked Jim Porter to correct a typo (only my father's first initial, but I thought it might as well be a 100% accurate record. And he did. As far as I was concerned, that was that. Then in January someone sent me a mail with an oblique reference to the Gaul. He was actually referring to the Roman province of Gaul, not directly to the ship. But that caused me to go back to the website, and it was then that I found your article, which stunned me completely. I tell you this because I can't quite get over the odds against me finding your article. Maybe I should have bought a lottery ticket that week, since my planets were clearly in line. But, joking aside, I regard finding your article as a lottery win worth much more than a jackpot. Nothing could have given me a bigger buzz, and I've still got it. My mother can't stop talking about it either. I'd like to shake hands with you sometime. Yours aye John

Idiots in Vietnam

Idiots in Vietnam

March 15th 07... I emerge from Arrivals into the concourse of Ha Noi Airport with $400 in my bum-bag. But the local buttons are ‘dongs... ‘ 31,000 to the £1, so I need a Bureau de Change. But there isn’t one. There’s an INFORMATION sign over there - but no-one behind the counter.
That smart young bloke in a brown suit, walking across the concourse, seems to have recognised me. At least - he’s suddenly started waving in my direction and shouting “hello” in English. What’s this about?
I look round to check who he’s aiming at but there’s no one behind me. He must be shouting at me then. Does he think he knows me? Maybe he’s from Cardiff. He looks a bit like one of the waiters from the Happy Gathering. ‘Blimey,’ he’s coming over. He wants to shake hands! Who’s making the mistake? Me – or him?
‘I get taxi,’ he says.
That’s handy. ‘But I’ve got to change some money first,’ I tell him. ‘I need dongs.’
‘Come,’ he says, striding towards the exit.
‘No!’ I shout; ‘money! dongs!’ I keep upping the volume. Maybe he’s deaf. ‘I’ve only got American Dollars,’ I tell him when he looks round.
‘Dollah OK,’ he assures me. ‘Dollah velly good.’ Now he’s gargling into his mobile.
It all fits. That Chinese bloke on the plane told me they like dollars out here.
‘Wait,’ the Happy Gatherer tells me when we arrive outside.
Now a taxi swings into the kerb and Gatherer tells me to get in the back while he feeds my case and rucksack into the yawning boot. OK so far. But now he’s climbing into the front passenger seat. That’s different. ‘Where go?’ he asks.
‘I’m going to the Heritage Hotel,’ I tell him. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I go home,’ he tells me. ‘I give help. You pay taxi. I get ride.’
So we’re going to divert to the Happy Gathering. The guy’s a chancer; nothing for nothing. ‘How much?’ I ask warily.
He inclines his head and looks thoughtful. ‘Eight dollah,’ he decides.
I spot a sign; HANOI 21 Km. And they’re going to charge me five-quid? ‘OK, we’ll settle for that,’ I tell him. ‘A hundred-and-twenty-eight-thousand dong...’
Now we’re at a road toll. ‘You pay,’ the Gatherer tells me.
When I offer the driver a one dollar-note his expression turns from confusion to anger. He waves it aside and gives me a mouthful of verbal scrambled egg. ‘He want dong,’ says the Gatherer.
‘I haven’t got dong,’ I tell him impatiently. ‘You said he’d take dollars.’
The two men sit scrambling verbal eggs for a couple of minutes then, ‘OK,’ says the Gatherer, ‘driver pay now. Then we go bank. You get dong. Then pay driver.’
We push on along a dual carriageway amid the din of motorbikes. Traffic pollution hangs like sediment in the humid air. I wonder if these guys pack any unpleasant surprises...?
We’re entering Hanoi now. I relax a bit. But when the bank turns out to be an ATM, I tense again. I’ll be in trouble with the wife. She comes from Scotland. She objects to paying interest to holes in the walls.
I get out of the taxi and approach the machine. This is scary. All the numbers have strings of zeros after them. The ones towards the bottom are in millions. When I punch in 128,000 the machine gets violently sick and spews notes over me. I gather them up and head back to the taxi.
I offer the money to the driver. He goes unstable and starts screaming at the Gatherer who waves the notes aside. ‘This small money,’ says the Gatherer. ‘Driver want big money.’
‘Looks big enough to me,’ I tell him, ‘all those noughts.’
‘Cents,’ he tells me.
‘You’d better come and explain,’ I say, jerking my head towards the machine. I’m beginning to feel uneasy. Come to think of it, I’ve never been at ease since I met this guy.
I pay them enough to stop the driver’s palpitations and trigger my own. I’m not used to dealing in big numbers. And what’s the interest on a string of zeros? Maybe I’ve just broke the bank.

***

It’s the next morning and I’m in a taxi heading for the 5 star, £58, luxury of the Melia Hotel. After I booked the Heritage I saw a report on the internet that it was the worst hotel in South East Asia. So I switched my second night to the Melia. In the event, the £28 Heritage was value for money; clean and spacious. But it’s in the grot of the suburbs so I’m going along with the change. The Melia’s Central.
This is a pukka taxi – with a meter. The trouble is, there are three sets of figures on it... all going up at different speeds. The lowest figure is in thousands. I think the top one is in billions. It’s a long journey and the motorbikes are as thick as porridge. The driver doesn’t speak any English – only scrambled egg. I offer him 100K - £3. He looks delighted. So that’s his tip as well.
I watch my case and rucksack being whisked away by a hotel porter. Viet Nam is a communist country. It’s overstaffed - specialises in inefficiency. The upper-class hotels have a bellhop in every plant pot.
An angel in a long white dress, and hat that looks like a halo, hands me a piece of paper with a number written on it. It’s not her phone number. It’s too short. Pity. I check-in but I’m too early. My room’s not ready. They’ll have my luggage in there at noon. ‘What’s the number?’ they ask.
‘You said the room’s not ready, so I don’t know the number.’
‘No – your luggage number? The lady in white gave it to you.’
‘Did she? I dunno. I’ve lost it.’
‘OK sir. We fix.’ Five star service – caters for idiots.
I collect a map from Reception and head outside for a walk. I like walking. I’m a walking person. But in Viet Nam – no-one walks. Everyone goes everywhere by motorbike. There are eight million people in Sai Gon – that’s Ho Chi Min City – and six million have motorbikes. That’s a lorra bikes in one city. Ha Noi looks to be the same. And all those bikes seem to be on the road all the time. It’s like nobody goes anywhere in particular. Just get up in the morning, cock a leg over a bike, and meander round the maze, honking your horn ‘til bedtime.
I consult the map. There are two targets within walking distance; Hanoi Prison-Museum; that’s the Hanoi Hilton where the Vietnamese kept shot-down American pilots; and the Catholic Cathedral. But outside, on the pavement, reality dawns. Every block is separated from the next block by a road. And the roads are no-go areas - rivers of motorbikes with a 20 knot current; every bike doing its own thing. They’re not in lanes. They’re all going in different directions on the same patch; half men; half women; honking their horns in fruitless mating calls. It’s like an ant run out there; high-speed dodgems.
It gets worse. The overspill is on the pavement. They come up from behind and whiz past me. The secret of staying alive is to keep walking in a straight line. If you deviate, or stop suddenly, you scramble the equation. Everyone out there respects everyone else’s space – when they can guess where it is. The same rules apply crossing the road. Step off the kerb, close your eyes, and keep going straight – repeating the mantra to yourself... ‘My Space. My Space. My Space...’ If you stop to cough you’ll have six-million bikes on top of you.
I’m a target now. A swelling convoy of trishaws keeps pace with me – yelling for me to leap aboard for a ‘ten dollah’ tour - with a commentary in scrambled egg. Motorbike taxis, one after the other, swerve in front of me, heading me off, urging me to squat on the pillion for a ‘ten dollah’ roller coaster whirl of engine-revving bliss. When I pause to consult the map, chancers step out of nowhere – applying for the job of personal guide. It’s like nobody understands the concept of somebody walking – or the joys of orienteering among flowing streams of horn-blasting traffic in the polluted air of a sweltering city.
What these guys don’t know – is that I’m not a tourist. Not a real one. I’m on a beeline from Cardiff to Saigon – on a mission to find my way to the Cu Chi tunnels without the aid of a travel agent or guide. It’s a budget trip. The plane fare subsidised by Air Miles - and hotels and train tickets booked on the internet. I’m the only human involved. I was getting lethargic back there in Cardiff. I needed some action. So I set myself a challenge.
Outside the cathedral, a pretty girl in a palm hat tries to sell me loose pineapple from one of the bowls that hang from either-end of the pole she balances on her shoulder. When I turn her down she offers to pose for a photo. ‘OK,’ I take a shot and slip her 20K. Further down the line an old beggar-woman sticks out a bony arm for a handout. I’ve been along this route before – many times. If I give 50 pence to every beggar who pops out of the pavement - a few hundred of the world’s poorest will have their only chip butty of the year. But I’ll be out of beer-tokens before lunchtime.
But here’s a dilemma. Did I give that girl 20K because she’s pretty and turn the woman down because she ain’t? Hmm? I know... I hold up 20K and my camera. The same offer’s on the table for the crone as for the girl.. She turns it down with a gesture of contempt. I pocket the money and walk away. Maybe that’s why she’s a beggar. She won’t do something for something. Or have I got that wrong too?

***

Another day, another task; board the train for a 32 hour trip to Sai Gon. Trouble is, I didn’t sleep last night. A king-size bed in a 5 star hotel – and I couldn’t sleep ‘cos I had Nasi Goreng for supper. It’s the best I’ve ever had - but it was big - egg and rice are clogging my guts.
It’s raining today – muggy as hell. I’m sat in the station in a gathering crowd, waiting for boarding time. My ticket’s in my bum-bag. I’ll be in coach 10; compartment 1; berth 1. The tickets were waiting at the Heritage when I arrived. All done by mirrors. Couldn’t be simpler. It’s a piece of cake. I’ve no problems.
The crowd are all Asians except for me and two European couples. I guess the couples are Frogs. The hotels are full of ‘em. I suppose it’s natural. This was a French colony once. I seem to be the only Brit left in the world.

That tall thin railway worker went over to both European couples as they came into the station and showed them to empty seats. He seems to make a point of looking after Europeans. After a tip no doubt. Everyone here’s looking for the main-chance. He’s heading for me now.
It’s getting near boarding time. The ticket inspector’s opened the door that leads to the trains. We get to board an hour before take-off. The thin guy’s confronting me now. He’s making gestures. I dunno what he wants. It’s all in scrambled egg. Uh... he wants to see my ticket. Now he wants me to follow him. He’s got my case and we’re jumping the queue. He’s heading for coach ten. So he’s got it right. Now he wants my ticket. Maybe he wants to see my compartment and berth-numbers – or show it to the guard or something. Better give him a tip. I’ve got two 10K notes here... 30p each. I’ll try him with one. If he looks unhappy I’ll give him both.
We’re in the compartment now – four bunks. There’s nowhere for the cases. It’ll be a tight squeeze if someone gets in with their shopping. The guy suddenly spins round and sticks his hand in my face. ‘Ten dollah!’ he snarls. He’s gotta be joking. ‘No way,’ I tell him, ‘ten thousand dong.’
‘Ten dollah!’ he yells. He thinks he’s Dick Turpin – but he’s just a wanker. ‘Ten dollah?’ That must be the first line in the Vietnamese – English Dictionary. ‘Twenny dong,’ I tell him - shoving two notes in his hand. ‘Ten dollah! Ten dollah!’ he screams. We’re struggling now; me trying to ram 20K into his hand; and him pushing it away; a strange situation. Suddenly he strides past me. When I turn – he’s gone.
‘Jesus.’ I sit down. That took my breath away...
‘I think this is my bed...’ Startled by the falsetto voice, I look up. And there’s Emo Philips, the American comedian, reincarnated as a tall gangling Chinaman, complete with a medieval bobbed haircut, hovering above me, arms and legs all over the shop. We go outside and check the compartment number. Emo’s right; it’s 24. I’m supposed to be in 1. Turpin dumped me on the wrong bed then demanded money. People aren’t the same anymore.
I hump my stuff to the right bed. The berths are filling up. There’s a Vietnamese bloke in the bed above me and a middle aged woman in the one opposite. They’ve both got luggage so there’s not much room. Now a girl in her 20s arrives with a total of 7 cases and bags. We’re overcrowded – big time. But, on the bright side, the return journey is only Two-million-two-hundred-thousand-dongs - £78. For that, I get to Saigon and back – and beds for two nights. So I’m saving something like £300 on air, hotel and food bills. And I get to see Viet Nam from top to bottom...
Nightmare! The last time I saw my train ticket – was in Turpin’s hand. He never gave it back. He broke off in the middle of the struggle and strode away. I’ve got problems...
Yaah! God...! Emo’s at the door – standing there like a four-legged daddy-longlegs. This guy’s surreal. He wants a chat. That’s the last thing I need. I just want to sit and worry. My head’s in a whirl. I don’t know whether I’m coming of going. Emo wants me to polish-up his English. He thinks I should go to China and teach it. He says I don’t need to learn Chinese. They all learn English anyway. They just need to polish the pronunciation. But teaching Emo’s a job in itself. His voice keeps changing register in mid-sentence – jumping from baritone to falsetto and back in rapid succession. His arms and legs are the same. He scratches his left cheek with his right hand by putting his right arm round the back of his neck. Then he does the same with the other hand. He’s come from Shanghai to Viet Nam – job hunting. He can’t speak a word of Vietnamese. And, if he could, what would he do? We have two drivers on this train. They earn £30 a week each. It’s a 32 hour journey. And they have to buy their own food. Emo, sunshine – go home..!
The train’s well underway now. It’s going dark and there’s the mother of a storm outside. The rains like hosepipes; lightning exploding in rapid succession. It’s like the B42’s are back with the napalm - and we’re the target. Now I realise my coat’s gone missing. I go down the train to see if I left it in Emo’s place, but I didn’t. That bastard, Turpin, must have grabbed it?
The guard arrives – demanding my ticket. I tell him the tale of Dick Turpin - but he only savvies scrambled egg. He goes away and comes back with two helpers. These trains pull a coach-load of guards and comic-singers. There’s no-end of reinforcements. The men gargle and jabber among themselves – then bring their boss. This guy’s the bad-cop - like the Jap guard on the River Kwai. ‘No ticket,’ he raps in English. ‘Off train! Next stop!’ No messing. I like that in a man.
I repeat the tale of Turpin. ‘Off train! Next stop!’ he orders. I look at the window; black dark; rivers of rain; lightning flashing! The thought of leaving the train on a night like this, lumbered with luggage and nowhere to go, no bed... no ticket... no nothing... in a land full of scrambled egg... is... well... not good.
In desperation I fumble in my rucksack and produce a piece of paper with the phone number of Tony Kheim, the guy on the internet who delivered my train tickets to the Heritage. I always carry backup. ‘Phone this man on your mobile,’ I tell them. They do. He confirms that I did buy a ticket. It takes the heat out of the situation. But... I can’t stay on the train without a ticket.
‘OK. I’ll buy another one,’ I tell them. I fumble in my bum-bag and scrape 500,000 dong together. The boss waves it away. ‘I want... million!’ he demands. ‘But I haven’t got a million,’ I tell him. ‘Off train! Next stop!’ he barks, in his best concentration-camp English. ‘What about this?’ I offer my credit card. ‘Pah!’ he pushes it away. ‘Its Tesco’s Platinum,’ I tell him. He’s unimpressed. ‘American dollar?’ I ask. His eyes light up. ‘Now you’re talking,’ they tell me. ‘A hundred and twenty,’ he says, after a calculation.
‘That’s nearly the return fare. I’ve already paid for this bed,’ I tell him.
They jabber among themselves. ‘OK,’ says the boss, at last, ‘downgrade to couchette - 80 dollah.’ They know I’m no dodger and they’ve softened a bit. ‘No,’ I tell them, ‘I need a bed. I’ll pay the 120.’ They jabber again. ‘OK OK,’ the boss weakens. ‘Eighty dollah. Keep bed,’ he tells me...
There’s no buffet. A woman comes round with a trolley, doling out food to keep us alive; foul soup; chopsticks; a ton of boiled rice; dollop of soggy pickled-cabbage; fatty pork. It’s worse than nothing at all. Vietnamese music blares full-blast from a speaker in the corridor. It’s hot and stuffy. I lie on my bed, sweating and gasping for air. I can’t sleep. I prowl the corridor in my socks. All the windows are locked. I look for a toilet. It’s a squat. I come out with feet stinking of piss.
This is it. I’m stuck here ‘til 9 o’clock tomorrow night. That’s 24 hours away. Time stretches before me like a waterless desert. There’s nothing to do; no-one to speak to. Even Emo would be a blessing. But he’s on his bed, lifeless, like everyone else - corpses in a mobile morgue.
For no reason, I pull screwed-up notes from my back pocket and iron them out... ‘I don’t believe it!’ There... in the middle of the ball... is my bloody ticket. It’s tattered and torn – but it’s real. It must have come from Turpin’s paw in the scuffle.
In the end coach I pin a guard down and tell him the story. He hasn’t a clue what I’m saying but summons an ever increasing number of assistants. At last I’m talking to the guy from the Kwai – through an interpreter who speaks perfect English. It takes a long time and a lot of jabbering. ‘You see,’ says the interpreter, at last. ‘We have already paid 80 dollah to the government.’
I frown and scratch my head. We’re on a moving train.
‘So,’ he goes on, ‘if we give you 80 dollah, we lose a lot of money.’
‘So what are you saying?’ I ask.
‘We want you to be very happy,’ he tells me.
‘So do I,’ I tell him.
‘So, if we give you 40 dollah – we lose 40 dollah and you lose 40 dollah. Will that make you very happy?’
‘I’ll be 40 dollars happier,’ I say.
‘No - very happy?’
‘Happy.’
‘No - very happy?’
This is Vietnamese for don’t rock the boat. ‘OK. Very happy,’ I concede.
Kwai puts his hand in his back pocket, pulls out my wad of $80, deals me 40 -and away we go.
The girl with the pile of cases leaves the train at noon the next day. And there’s my coat – under the last one. I find an open window – and air; then a European toilet... and people who speak English. I’m back on course. A little wiser; a little poorer.

***

I’m in the middle of the crowd leaving Saigon station. It’s dark and I’m looking for a taxi. A weasel-faced wanker, in a peaked cap and denim jacket, is pulling at my arm. ‘Taxi – ten dollah,’ he chants. ‘Taxi – ten dollah.’ How does he know its ten dollars? He doesn’t know where I’m going.
There’s a taxi rank at the end of the approach; a long line of smart, white, four-wheel-drives, filling up and pulling away. These are the boys I want. I head straight for them, humping a rucksack, pulling a case, and fighting off the Weasel. I flag a taxi. The driver ignores me. I try another and another and another... They all ignore me. It’s like I’m invisible.
Maybe the Weasel’s got the first claim on me. OK. I can sort that. I was around in the days of the Empire. We had ways of dealing with guys like this. I put my face into his. ‘Get lost!’ I roar at the top of my voice – and give him a push. His face fills with hate. But he slinks away with his tail between his legs. It all comes back to me now – why we loved to be hated.
The taxi-men still ignore me. I don’t get it. If they can’t see me they can see my case. There’s another guy at me now - in a grey uniform with an official number on it. He’s got more manners than the Weasel. He wants me to go with him. He must be a taxi driver. I follow him across the approach.
‘Oh no...’ he’s loading my case onto trishaw. I don’t believe it. I’ve landed with Gunga Din. It’s not even a decent trishaw – like posh ladies go promenading in. This is ancient; a single-seater; moth-eaten and battered. I don’t want to know it. But I’ve no option. The taxis have rejected me. ‘Rex Hotel,’ I tell him.
‘’Otel,’ he echoes.
‘No,’ I tell him. ‘Not any hotel – the Rex Hotel.’ He’s another chancer.
‘OK,’ he says. ‘Red Hotel.’
‘Aahh gerronwithit,’ I tell him. ‘Rex Hotel – fifty-thousand. No Rex – No money.’

We start off. It’s uphill. Gunga’s got a load on. He’s struggling a bit. I’ve got my feet on my case with my knees in the air and my rucksack under my chin. He’s edging into the traffic. There’s no order on the road. Just swirling eddies of motorbikes, honking horns, claiming their space. But he copes. He’s been doing this all his life – with the same trishaw by the look of things. When traffic lights go green, bikes zoom away on all sides. Gunga stands on the peddles, struggling to get momentum up the slope. The journey goes on and on. I sense he’s flagging.
‘’Otel!’ he shouts hopefully as we approach a dingy Vietnamese doss.
‘Rex,’ I tell him. ‘No Rex. No money.’
He tries it on, again and again, with every ‘’otel’ we pass. He hasn’t a clue what we’re looking for. I’m running out of patience. I’m tired; two nights without a proper sleep. I need a shower; and a change of clothes. I’ve got Vietnamese piss on my socks. I bang the side of the trishaw. ‘Let me off,’ I yell. ‘I’ll find a taxi.’
‘No. No.’ he pleads. ‘Red ‘otel. OK. OK.’
He shouts to people on the sidewalk. They shout back – pointing uphill.
We’re going the wrong way up a one-way street now, in the dark without lights, against a solid wall of motorbikes. It’s like the M25 coming at me. He’s behind, standing on the peddles. I’m his shield... He sees my problem. He gets off the bike, comes round the front, and starts pulling me – like a horse and cart. He chickens out and makes for the sidewalk. Now he’s peddling along the pavement. I’ll settle for that.
We come to a corner. ‘There!’ he shouts triumphantly. ‘Rex ‘otel!’
And there it is. ‘Closed!’ Boarded up. Dead as a Christmas turkey. I booked it on the internet. I’ve been suckered again. Gunga Din sees the problem. He thinks I’ll blame him. He shouts frantically to a guy sitting on the steps. The guy shouts back and points. We move on – round another corner. And there it is. A blaze of lights. The Rex Hotel. The boarded bit was the back entrance.
A coach has pulled-up outside – disgorging middle class, middle aged Frogs. Gunga pulls alongside and dismounts. Then he misjudges and the trishaw crashes onto its side, shooting me nosediving among the crowd – rucksack and all. The Frogs pause and gaze disdainfully down. Another Rosbeef stealing their thunder.
Gunga hops around on one leg crying ‘sorry sir, sorry sir.’ He can see 50K evaporating. He might be a chancer. But he’s hurt himself. And he’s no wanker. He’s worked bloody hard. We agreed on fifty. I give him a hundred. ‘You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din,’ I tell him.

***

In the cool of the rooftop bar, the inevitable Philippino musicians murder Western pop music on the corner stage. A couple of aging Frog couples dance to the racket - clapping enthusiastically after every number. One middle aged bloke, a Chirac look-a-like, is swaying and clapping and tapping the table like a star-struck kid.
The service is crap. I go to the bar to get more drink. The local hooker sidles up, ‘you’re new,’ she tells me.
‘Not the usual description,’ I say.
She says she runs a massage parlour on the floor below. ‘Do you need a rub down?’ she asks.
‘Or rub-up?’ I wonder.
‘I manipulate,’ she says.

‘I bet you do,’ I tell her. She’s attractive, in a pale skinned 4-star well-groomed kind of way. But I prefer the girls outside; pale gold skin and almond eyes; sitting astride their motorbikes in skin-tight jeans; shiny black hair tumbling over their shoulders. They’re like dainty dolls. And they walk like dolls; little awkward steps. It’s like their mothers wind them up every morning; stick ‘em on high-heel stilts; then turn them loose to stagger about ‘til they find a bike to cock a leg over. These girls are wild flowers. Once they master the walking problem they’ll take over the world. The hooker’s a houseplant.
I tell her, ‘no, I just need beer.’ She looks disappointed. ‘I’m married,’ I say. ‘You’re against the rules.’
The next night she arrives at my table. ‘Can I sit with you?’ she wonders.
‘I’ve told you,’ I tell her. ‘I’m married.’
‘Just for a chat,’ she says.
‘Naah. You’d better not,’ I say. She looks crestfallen and goes back to her table. I bite my tongue. It’s 30-odd pence a pint in here. A double whisky’s a pound. For less than two quid she could tell me tales to make my toes curl.
I’ve booked the trip to the Cu Chi Tunnels for the second day. That’s what this trip’s all about. But I’ve got my doubts now. If I end up with a coach-load of Frogs it’ll be a nightmare. And the hotel’s full of ‘em...
It’s my last evening now. I’ve been travelling around all day, doing the tourist stuff; the tunnels and the War Museum – all that kind of thing. It was a lot better than I expected – no Frogs. In fact I had chauffeur driven car and a pretty little female courier – all to myself.
As I make for the bar the hooker collars me again. ‘Can I come to your room tonight?’ she wants know.
‘I keep telling you; I’m married,’ I say.
‘For you – I do it for love,’ she tells me.
‘Aww shucks,’ I cover my eyes with my hand. It’s very nice of her. We hardly know each other. ‘I’ve still got this marriage problem,’ I tell her.

She plants a kiss on my lips. And then she’s gone.

Mission accomplished. I’ve done the tunnels. I’m dreading tomorrow’s train trip. But hey – I’m homeward bound.

The fun’s over for this trip...

***

Enter Giuseppe...

I’m on the train now. A colony of Frogs is swarming into the coach. This is worrying. I don’t want them in here... But I needn’t worry. In walks Miss Saigon. She looks about 19 but she turns out to be 27. She looks a dream as she clambers up and down onto the bunk above me. A woman in her 30’s is in the bottom bunk across the way. She’s nice and friendly; wants to share her water; but I’ve got my own.

I wander into the corridor. The Frogs have got the windows open. Brilliant. It’ll be great to have some fresh air in the place. But now the chief guard has come along with a key. He’s pushing the Frogs out of the way and locking the windows. He’s a bit of a Hitler, this guy.

Five hours later, the train stops and the Frogs swarm away. The woman in the bottom bunk has closed the compartment door and we all sprawl on our beds gasping for air.

Suddenly the door’s flung open and a bloke in a khaki shirt and shorts barges in with a massive canvas bag which he dumps between the bunks. I don’t believe it... He’s wearing a blue crash helmet. ‘I’m Giuseppe – fromma Italia,’ he roars in a foghorn voice, snatching off the helmet and throwing it on the vacant bunk. He points to the bag. ‘You’ll havva to lift this onna the bed for me,’ he orders Hitler, who is standing behind him. ‘I havva the heart condition.’

Hitler bristles. He doesn’t lift. He shoves Frogs about and locks windows. I get off the bunk. ’I’ll give you a hand,’ I tell them. Three of us heave it up and shove it on the bunk.

Giuseppe pulls up a shirt sleeve, bends his arm and tenses the muscle, ‘I was inna the French Foreign Legion,’ he tells Hitler. Now he leans over the bottom bunk and shakes the woman. ‘I’m Giuseppe – fromma Italia,’ he shouts. ‘Who are you?’ She looks bemused and mutters something in scrambled egg. Giuseppe does the same with the girl above - and gets the same response.

‘Ratatatat!’ He suddenly crouches between the bunks, firing a heavy machine gun – full blast. ‘Bang! Boom!’ He roars – lobbing hand grenades onto the bunks. ‘I wassa the Legionnaire,’ he tells the girls, who are now sitting lotus fashion on the lower bunk staring at him – wide eyed. ‘I wassa go to Algiers.’

He’s 65 with a shock of grey hair and grey moustache. And he’s been on a 2 month cycling tour in the Meikong Delta. ‘You’ll havva to shoutta,’ he tells me, ‘I’m deaf.’

‘It’s all those bloody hand grenades,’ I tell him.

‘I lost my hearing aid inna the crash,’ he tells me.’ He was in a collision with a motorbike and lost his front wheel. ‘Mamma and daughter,’ he suddenly roars, looking at the women. It’s not very tactful. But it’s very Giuseppe. ‘Bridget Bardot,’ he roars, suddenly realising how beautiful Miss Saigon looks. He dives into the canvas bag and produces a camera. ‘You are the sexa kitten,’ he tells her. ‘I take your picture.’ She’s posing for him now; combing her hair and preening herself. He’s got something going for him.

Swish! A sandal skims my nose in a karate kick. ‘I wassa the Legionnaire,’ he tells me. ‘Ratatatat! Boom! Bang!’ He’s off again. This guy did 2 years before he was invalided out. And, by the sound of things, he’s lived off it ever since. But he’s no more a soldier than I am.
He’s at his pills now. ‘One forra my heart,’ he announces. ‘One forra my blood pressure. And one forra my Diabetes... Bang!’ he lobs a hand grenade into the corridor.

I look at the women. ‘Mad as a typhoon,’ I tell them. They nod enthusiastically. They don’t know the language. But they guess what I’m saying.

‘There wassa the Russian senora in the Meikong,’ he tells us. ‘”Giuseppe,” she tells me. “I lovva you. I lovva you very much. You mustta come to me inna the Russia.” And I will go,’ he assures us. ‘And I will give her the mucha umpety.’

The women leave the train at 0700. Giuseppe produces pictures of his wife and daughter; two attractive women. There’s a postcard from his daughter too. ‘Come back healthy,’ she tells him. ‘And tell us lots of stories.’ He’ll definitely tell her stories.

At 0800 he decides to go a walk down the train. I hear him telling a Vietnamese guy about ‘giving umpety to a beautiful senorita on the Venice Express.’ The guy hasn’t a clue what he’s talking about.

Half an hour later he’s back at me. ‘Meetta the girlfriend,’ he tells me,
pushing a Vietnamese wildflower towards me. He says she’s 23. But she looks younger; much younger. He says she has an apartment in Ha Noi and produces a condom. ‘I will sleepa with her tonight - and give her mucha umpety,’ he tells me.

It’s only half-eight in the morning. He’s not had his breakfast yet. And he’s already picked up a scrubber.

I don’t know how he knows she has an apartment – or that he can sleep with her. She doesn’t speak a word of English. I think he tells her what he wants. And if she nods or smiles – it’s a done-deal.

She leaves him now and goes to a compartment further down the coach. There are two young blokes in there and she spends most of the day with them – behind a closed door.

‘I havva to be careful,’ he says, holding up the condom. ‘I havva this near miss with a black senora in Africa. I think she hassa the Aids. It wassa new then. I hadda to tell my wife aboutta this senora. We both havva to havva the tests and medication.’

‘Christ. It’s a wonder she didn’t divorce you.’

‘Oh no, no. My wife she understand. I wassa just a younga boy at the time. And I havva been away on the business for two whole weeka.’

‘Oh. That’s OK then. How old were you?’
‘Justa the boy – 35 years.’

I nod my head. There’s no answer to that. But it explains his daughter’s postcard.

He wants to know what I think of his new girlfriend.

‘She’s not just an ordinary girl,’ I tell him. ‘Miss Saigon was an ordinary girl.’ I point to the top bunk. ‘She let you take photos. But that was all. Ordinary girls don’t take you back to their apartments for umpety.’

He gets another packet of pills from the big bag; takes one; and washes it down with bottled water.

‘What’s that one for?’ I wonder.

‘Diarrhoea,’ he tells me.

‘Have you been drinking the water?’

‘No. But when I’m witha the little senorita tonight, I mighta be excited and getta the shits.’

I nod wisely. There’s no answer to that one either.
The girl’s back at him now. Making pillow signs with her hands against her cheek. He throws me an ‘I told you so,’ look – as she takes his hand and leads him away.
I stand corrected. Looks like he’s struck lucky.

But she takes him to the boys’ compartment, where he’s invited to buy satay and coffee all-round off the food trolley.

When he comes back he asks me again, ‘whatta you think of the girlfriend?’

‘She’s with two blokes,’ I tell him. ‘She could be a hooker, working the train. Ask the guards if they know her.’

He asks Hitler - but gets waved aside.

She’s back in our compartment now. Sitting on the lower bunk, cuddling Giuseppe. He falls for it big time.

She suddenly stands up and leaves without giving a reason. Ten minutes later, one of her boyfriends comes and stands in the corridor – eyeing the Italian. There’s something sinister about him.

‘They could be setting you up for a honey trap,’ I warn Giuseppe. ‘Two men and a girl.’

‘Yeah,’ Giuseppe gets the point. ‘I willa putta my things in a safe in the station,’ he decides. ‘And take only $30 to her apartment. Nothinga more. Ifa they pull the gunna. That is all they willa get - $30. But if they havva no gunna – I willa destroy them.’ Two finger fly at my face. ‘Firsta, I take outa their eyes. Then I choppa them.’ Swish! Swish! His hands fly through the air in karate chops. ‘Then I finisha them.’ He leaps to his feet and goes kicking down the corridor – like a German soldier who’s lost control of his goosestep.

We’re getting near Ha Noi now. The girl’s back on the lower bunk – cuddling Giuseppe. ‘I love you,’ she tells him in English. ‘I love you. I love you. I love you.’

He looks at me – wide eyed. ‘I tella you,’ he says. ‘She lovva me. She has tella me this herself. You heard her.’

‘Givva me a kiss,’ he cries, taking hold of her shoulders and pulling her towards him.

‘Yeeeaaow,’ she squeals and struggles like an angry cat. ‘No kiss! No kiss!’ she screams.

She rises and goes to the door. ‘Goodbye,’ she calls over her shoulder, with a wide grin. Then she’s back with two boys, who are waiting in the corridor.

‘Whatta you think?’ he asks, hopefully.

‘She’s taking the piss,’ I say.

He nods his head. ‘Yeah. Maybe you right,’ he concedes. ‘So I needa the hotel in Ha Noi. Is there rooma at your place?’

‘Dunno,’ I say. ‘I booked it on the internet.’

‘Have you gotta the double room?’ he wonders.

‘No way,’ I tell him. ‘I’m not sharing. I’m not playing second fiddle to a scrubber.’

On Ha Noi station I see Giuseppe being towed away by one of the wankers. ‘Thissa man hassa the hotel,’ he shouts to me. ‘He givva me the room for the night.’

‘I bet he will,’ I say, as I go looking for a chancer with a taxi.